Do you know this Ryan Fairley? I do, he's become a truly inimical toxic blight on my life


 Note to any law enforcement who is here because some Fairley
lied about who I am and what I am really doing or trying to do here:
Please read this.
Thank you. 

Update:  2/1/2019 1348
Recent activity on the large document I sent to the Yorkshire police
lead me to send this email to Officer McShane, it's really interesting
stuff and should be read by anyone interested in the truth.
	   Ryan claims he didn't set out to hurt me, he might have tried to apologize, but 
that was so rife with the crazy that I have no idea if he meant a word of it.  
I'm left without a clue why he acted like such a sadistic monster, or why he's 
STILL acting like one.  I'm beginning to think he really is that much of a 
twisted asshole, and very likely a sexual predator.  I need to understand what 
the fuck is going on in his head, and he's not going to help.  So, for anyone 
seeing this that knows anything about this piece of shit, please let me know, 
I'm willing to pay for good,, verifiable information.  I'd really like any 
social media IDs, I can't find any that he is active on.  He's fled any of the 
ones he knows I know about because, well, he's a coward and he's a weasel.  
Please, anyone with any information that might shed light on this, contact me 
at  I will of course keep any information and its source 
totally private, that's a promise.

And then, there's the family, FFS what despicable assholes they proved to be. I tried to have a civil conversation with Debra Fairley-the mum, explaining how Ryan was exhibiting irrational behaviour, this was a legitimate concern and a possible explanation for his sadistic cruelty considering there was absolutely nothing to justify it. I was met with rudeness and suspicion. It was clear she thought I had done something to Ryan, and he had done little to nothing harmful to me. She exposed a ridiculous double standard, saying Ryan was in a pretty good place but I was risking putting him in one not so good by trying to contact him!!!! Apparently, the fact that I was in a horrible place, largely due to her spawn's callous cruelty that had zero justification and I was only sending him messages to ask his help to crawl out of the horrible place he had put me in, somehow this meant I was the villain trying to victimize Ryan. I'd love for someone to explain how that was supposed to work. She didn't seem to be interested in all the evidence I presented. None of them have yet to raise a single objection to any of the evidence I've laid out in mind-numbing detail, not a single attempt at refuting a single one of my absolutely compelling arguments. They won't tell me anything, they can only ignore me, just like Ryan, because they have no answer to my questions and don't like what I say. This despite the fact that I truly believe Ryan needs help, that I had gone to considerable effort to explain why I think that, done so earnestly and sincerely. For my efforts I basically had the door slammed in my face. If you cause someone damage in some way, pretty much every moral system in the world recognizes you have an obligation to make that person whole as well as you can. Ryan, without question, caused me serious and long term damage. He is morally obligated to at least try to help me. He refuses to make the slightest effort to help me, but has gone to considerable effort to cause me more harm. AND, his despicable family has gone so far as to help Ryan make my life harder to deal with. This includes the father Stephen, who dumped Debra before Ryan was born, his latest wife Helen who told me Stephen wasn't in and then told me I had the wrong number, and semi-bro Nathaniel Hatherley who asserts suppositions as if they were facts and can't tell the difference. You can find the details of all of this below and in the attached documents. I have no problem calling the lot of them morally bankrupt despicable pieces of shit.

Is Ryan mentally ill? Is he delusional? Or is he a sadistic monster and sexual predator? Or just a sociopath? He intentionally or recklessly inflicted extreme emotional damage on me and refuses to accept his responsibility for the consequences of his behaviour. He refuses to even acknowledge the extent of what he has done to me-he claims he's "well aware of just how shitty my actions were, and just how much they hurt you" but goes to great effort to NOT let me inform him how he really has no clue of how much damage he did me. He acts as if I'm the villain, like I did him some grievous harm when I did nothing but love him. Ryan Fairley ended our relationship in a manner that was, given my psychological and emotional problems, the feelings I had for him, and the feelings he insisted he had for me, extremely callous and cruel. There was no reason for this, no justification. It took him a year to realize he had caused me any pain at all, though he obviously still had no clue he was inflicting deep and enduring damage. And he still has no clue, he absolutely refuses to let me tell him and he absolutely refuses to perceive what should be obvious. Since March of last year, 2017, he has gone to great effort to make sure I can't say a word to him, he has frantically shut down any avenues of communication I've found, he abandoned the forum he loved and had many friends at so he wouldn't have to risk interacting with me, he quit using his youtube account because I posted comments on his videos. In other words, he acts like he's terrified of hearing a word from me. Most egregiously, he knows all I want is to ask him for help to get over the damage he did to me and this has lead to him slamming the door in my face so I can't ask him, so he can't hear me. What's so awful that I'm trying to get him to do? I am only asking that he talk to me, openly, honestly, and frankly so I can understand what really happened back then, 8 years ago. He's told me a few things, but none of it makes sense, it's all BS, or lies, or self-deceit, or delusion, or denial, or just plain nonsensical, irrational, an/or inconsistent. There's no reason at all for me to accept a word he's said so far, most of it he himself has contradicted. E.g., he tried to apologize, but then said he had no idea if he meant a word of it, maybe he was just trying to rid himself of any remaining guilt. But he hoped not!!!! FFS, really? Is it possible to apologize sincerely if you yourself don't know if you are? It sure makes my doubting it was sincere the more rational choice. So I am tormented by having no idea why this person I profoundly loved, who meant everything to me, who insisted he loved me and that I was extremely important to him, turned into a sadistic monster, full of hate and contempt for me, not giving a shit what damage he did to me. This has haunted me for 8 years. It was not rare for the first few years that I would suddenly break down sobbing, crying out such tortured questions as why did he do that to me? And how could he be so cruel, and where did this hate come from? This is made all the worse because everything Ryan has said make it clear he wasn't thinking well, he was spewing a lot of irrational BS, his behaviour made no sense, so who knows if he even really knows, or allows himself to know, why he acted like he did. All of the negative things he accused me of were based on BS, lies he told himself, delusional thinking, but when he stopped having the BS perceptions, he didn't change his negative feelings towards me. I obviously have no clue what's going on, I can't, he won't tell me anything, he won't even tell me why he won't tell me anything, or even that he isn't going to tell me anything. What he has said makes no sense. When I was first trying to get back in touch with him it had been six and a half years since he destroyed our relationship and friendship. I kept believing at some point, he had to realize how misguided his behaviour was. I can't believe he is truly such a sadistic piece of shit, but, even after almost a third of his life, he keeps acting like one. He knows I'm having problems coping with my life due in no small part to the years of trauma I still suffer from what he did to me. He has a fundamental moral obligation to try to help me undo the damage he did, and he refuses to make the slightest effort to help me, instead, choosing to inflict more damage. These are the actions of a morally bankrupt asshole. Or is he actually a sexual predator. That might be the only interpretation that makes any sense at all. See a little ways below for other evidence that supports this possibility.


Ryan Fairley is a liar. He has a disturbingly and deceptively facile ability to twist reality to serve his ends, largely shielding him from the consequences of his actions and hiding his responsibility for them. Some of you are actual friends of his, I bet most of you have seen this behaviour, maybe you're well-acquainted with it? I'm the victim of a particularly pernicious series of lies and behaviours from Ryan that have diminished my life for over 8 years now. That's another aspect of Ryan's lying, he isn't concerned in the least with the harm he causes others by his lying.

I don't like resorting to this, it's a shitty thing to do, but I have little choice. Ryan refuses to have any communication with me, he's terrified to hear a word from me. I live in Texas, have no way to get through to him, I have to keep trying to get this out in public where someone will see it and tell him what a piece of shit he's being, to expose what he's been doing so he can't keep running away. Maybe then he'll admit to what he did to me and accept responsibility for it. Or, I need to find out where I could get through to him online publicly where he can't simply act like he's never seen my messages. Earlier, I got some disapproving replies, but none bothered to explain what they objected to. No doubt, they didn't bother looking at the evidence either. Opinions without justification are worthless, as are any formed while ignoring evidence.

I'm forced to get more aggressive trying to expose how unconscionable Ryan's behaviour has been and what a despicable dick he is, so below, Ryan exposing himself for me, pix I never wanted to show even censored, but how else can you deal with such a craven weasel? On the right are hints he could be a sexual predator.
wank-censored-ryans-cock.png wetwank-censored-rs glansing-censored-rs atdaddys-grabbinghimself-rs ifeltreallyerect-rs,br. Apparently, some don't seem to believe me that Ryan lead me into the relationship. Here are some of the pix and stills from the videos he sent me utterly unsolicited. He kept pushing me to send him pix. They've been censored, but the Texas revenge porn law has been overturned in one district court, if that spreads, the censorship might disappear as fast as Ryan does when the situation calls for someone who isn't a coward and a weasel. But, this isn't revenge porn, not even close. As long as Ryan keeps refusing to do the right thing, he keeps harming me, so this is exacting a price for him to pay if he wants to keep making the wrong choices. You can't trust the law to see subtlety or nuance, not if there's a conviction to be had.
Anyone knowing Ryan well enough will recognize his colorful walls in the 3rd and 4th photo, and the last two were done while visiting his dad's place.
I never planned on showing these or any like it, not even censored as here, but Ryan has chosen to be grossly dishonest, he would rather inflict more harm on me than simply talk to me, so now I'm getting to the point where there really isn't much holding me back from doing whatever I have to to get him to quit lying, to quit being a coward and a weasel, and to quit being the morally bankrupt piece of shit that is all he's been for 8 years now.

There is significant evidence Ryan is likely more than just a sadistic monster, he's also a sexual predator. Consider these tidbits:
He sure has a bit of a disturbing focus on his penis. This is what you'll find on his Facebook page:
Ryan's interest in where he can stick his dick

And there's his gaming ID for League of Legends--Kukenerdarlig. This is a made-up Norwegian word that could be translated as bragging about how great his cock is. Hmmmm

I had a lot of fun trying to figure out what the hell this was. You can see some of my efforts below. I kept figuring that 'bad' could mean great as it does in English slang, but it took awhile to find a source that explicitly said this.

kukenerdarlig-translations.jpg kuken-cock.jpg

Or maybe he's just saying he's weirdly kinky in general???

And then there was the following disturbing exchange. Note how he almost chastises me

because I would have qualms about fucking someone who is unconscious. He's awfully loose

about where he can stick his dick, he uses a gamer ID implying how great a dick he has,

and isn't very concerned about shoving his in someone unconscious??? That IS disturbing

Ryan (1:18 PM): It's not just that, but the way you keep on saying things like that that make me feel so happy certainly help Me (1:21 PM): You mean like telling you that listening to your voice is like being bathed in an aural orgasm, that it gives me little twitches deep inside my gut? That I have never heard a more attractive, inviting voice and would be happy if I never heard another? Ryan (1:32 PM): Yes, exactly like that *he says, feeling rather faint * Me (1:34 PM): Will check out, got to treadmill at the mo. " Yes, exactly like that *he says, feeling rather faint " I'll try to get it to all the way faint. Ryans (1:40 PM): But then I couldn't do anything to you! Ah well, you could still have your fun, I could have mine later Ryan (1:42 PM): If you were to... have your fun... while I was unconcious you would have to film it for my later entertainment Me (1:43 PM): I think that excites you, eh? Ryan (1:45 PM): Maybe Me (1:46 PM): I couldn't do anything like that! But, when you see me in person, that might be the only way you want to have sex with me. Ryan (1:56 PM): " I couldn't do anything like that!" Why? "But, when you see me in person, that might be the only way you want to have sex with me." Why Me (2:01 PM): Why I couldn't have sex with you while you were unconscious? That is just not right, I don't think I could do that, maybe if you explicitly told me to, but it would still be yucky. As to the other, well, I ain't a pretty youngster like you are. Ryan (2:09 PM): Fair enough. It's still consensual, but I guess there are things which rub you up the wrong way, for legitimate reasons or not No, but you're hot

Ryan's behaviour is beyond unacceptable, beyond unconscionable. This isn't open to question, Ryan himself admits to this, not that he's at all fully aware of how sickening his treatment of me truly was. He's gone to great efforts to never hear a word from me, he tried to apolgoixze, lamely, but never bothered to see if I replied and he frantically shuts down any avenues of communication I find to get a word or two where he'll read them. He's even made it so I can't know if he's received any of the messages I've sent. It's not too big a leap to see this as him trying to NOT KNOW how seriously he damaged me and to give him deniability.
What makes his behaviour so truly despicable is the dishonesty behind how he's tied to portray himself as the victim while he has to know he's diminished my life for years just so he can maintain these lies and tell himself that he's not someone who could act with such hateful cruelty. This is what makes him such a craven weasel.


An ugly, sad tale rife with cowards and weasels

[The really short version] With thoroughly callous cruelty, and for no reason or justification whatsofuckingever, Ryan exploited my psychological issues, my weaknesses, to cause me significant emotional and psychological damage that still diminishes my life 8 years later. 17 months ago, when I started having real difficulties coping with my life, due to a significant degree to this lasting damage, I tried to beg him to help me get over what he did, to just talk to me and help me understand what he did and why. And he would only slam the door in my face, refusing to hear me say a word. He won't make the slightest effort to help me, but he has gone to considerable efforts to cause me even more trauma, to make my life even harder to cope with!
AND, with obvious lack of character and integrity, he's acting like I did something to him, he's acting like he's the victim FFS. And he's leading others to believe this atrocious despicable lie. He's maligning my character when he's the disgusting creep without a shred of it. This coward, this weasel, hides behind an ocean, hides behind his mummy's skirt, hides behind the police, terrified to have a conversation with me. He's trying to fuck up the rest of my life like he has the last 8 so he can wallow in the lies he lives.
It's now about a year and a half that Ryan keeps choosing to further harm me rather than help me by simply talking to me, choosing to fuck up the rest of my life because having a conversation with me is too much bother for him. I have begged him repeatedly, even abjectly, pleading with him to please help me stop hurting. I've described in excruciating detail how I'm hurting, and how his behaviour is incapacitating me, making most things much too big a hurdle to even bother trying to do. Today as I write this, 11 August, I've been virtually house bound for two weeks or more. And he understands how awful this is, he's suffered similar problems himself, yet has no problem causing me the same. And his despicable family tries to paint me as an asshole for trying to get him to help me fix what he broke.

8/13/2018 0806 Ryan has never answered a single message I've sent him. This is utterly unconscionable behaviour, it's not only dickish, it's asinine. I'm leaving this letter here in case he ever overcomes being such a coward and a weasel and he drops by his own web site. It should contain most of the stuff I've been trying to communicate to him through all the ignored messages.

This is an email I sent on Aug 31, also copied to a Skype IM. It's another attempt to lay out the truth about Ryan's behaviour and how seriously he hurrt me, how his baehaviour was off-the-charts deplorable, how utterly unjustified it all was and how none of it made any sense whatsofucking ever. And also how any half-way decent human being would feel morally obligated to try to help me. Compare that to what Ryan has actually done and you can begin to see why I can't get past all of this crap.
The vast majority of folk would agree that if you damage someone, you have a moral obligation to help them undo the damage as much as is possible for you to do. In the 'apology', your words evidenced some agreement with this. Unfortunately, your actions haven't come close to matching your words. The damage you did me was in how you threw me away so completely, including destroying our friendship, going so far as to say none of it was real, you never cared for me in any way, never liked or loved me, our whole relationship from friend to lover was nothing but a sham, how you did this callously and cruelly, without a shred of remorse or compassion, you offered no help in getting over what you were doing, acting as if it was beneath you to even be talking to me, you acted with animosity, antipathy, hatefully and contemptuously, with no justification whatsofuckingever. And, crucially, some kind of self-deceit was evident in driving your behaviour, call it denial or delusion or whatever you care to call it, you were without doubt not thinking clearly, you were transparently misguided in how you acted, in what you said. Besides the rather direct emotional devastation your behaviour wrought, the way it was all so inexplicable, unfathomable that you could act so cruelly, so hatefully towards me, when I had done nothing but love you profoundly, has left me and kept me in an utterly tormented bewildered state. Your attempt to explain and apologize can't possibly be taken seriously as it explained and apologized for very little, and most especially now, after nearly a year and a half of ignoring me begging you for help later. There needs some emphasis on an aspect of our situation. Not that it hasn't gotten plenty, but I think I can bring out some more detail and highlight issues that need more focus and discussion of the implications. Consider how you had no idea you were causing me any pain that day. If you weren't simply lying, then how could you possibly not know? Obviously, this required serious self-deceit/delusion/denial. But, this really makes what you said in the 'apology' at least as delusional. When you finally realized you had caused me real and serious pain, how did you not understand the absurdity of not knowing at the time? You seemed to blame this on 'anger and fear', but what anger and fear? What anger and fear did you feel on Aug 4? The way it's phrased, it sure seems like you're implying the threats were behind the anger and fear. But the threats came 2 days later, you still have to explain how you could possibly not trip to how awful your behaviour truly was for 2 days. And just as importantly, we're talking about more than a year after those threats were made, hadn't you yet figured out the threats were not real? Whether you have even yet realized the threats weren't real, at that point you had finally realized, to some small extent, that you had acted really deplorably towards me, at least with respect to the disappearance, that's all you mentioned. You knew at that point, Aug 2011, the threats weren't real and that you had treated me deplorably. Did you take a moment and consider the implications? E.g., that anger, was it misguided? You admitted to realizing you owed me an explanation but didn't bother apologizing for getting so angry the year before. Why didn't it occur to how utterly devastated I was at the time given what you had done to me the way you did it? If you had, wouldn't that alter your idea that the anger was justified? Your vile disappearance had left me near hysterical, and then you hatefully and contemptuously tell me our entire relationship was a sham and I should just fuck off, and you got hostile towards me for wanting an explanation. Tell me, in hindsight, do you think I deserved any anger at all? <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Somewhat a different aspect-the hate. This is obviously a really important issue you didn't mention in 2010, or 2011, where did it come from? How could you possibly hate me to that degree? Or at all? That might be the crux right there. Hate could be what lead you to act the way you did, and keep acting now, 8 years later. I'm wondering if you're telling yourself now that you hated me because I made those threats. I think this is entirely likely. And it's also quite likely you're justifying all of your hateful behaviour this last year and a half on the actions I've taken either in trying to find you or trying to figure out what the hell is going on in your life and in your head, which you force me to do because it's the only way I can begin to understand your behaviour all of this time. This would be an entirely dishonest way to justify your hate. When you ignored the first message you received, the hate was already manifest. It's simply more self-deceit, delusion, or denial to attempt to blame your behaviour on my reactions to your behaviour. Just as it's grossly dishonest to think my reactions aren't justified because you refuse to perceive the magnitude of the damage you have done to me and keep choosing to do to me. I'll say it again,

there is simply no sane justification for you to hate me or to treat me with such contempt

none, zilch, nada. I deserve an explanation for how you decided you had to hate me. You said this yourself, there were no exceptions to your statement about me deserving to know what happened. So WTF? To recap, you've consistently demonstrated serious delusional thinking, and or gross dishonesty. You knew I suffered SAD to a similar degree that you did, that I was emotionally brittle, and that I was a quite lonely old man living a solitary life and you knew how profoundly I loved you and how much our friendship meant to me, and you knew I quite reasonably believed you thought nearly the same. None of that seems to have mattered in the least. Just disappearing was by itself vile, telling me we never had a relationship or friendship and you didn't give a shit about me and I should just fuck off was hateful and contemptuous and utterly undeserved, ignoring me for the last 17 months is deplorable, and refusing to speak to me for 8 years is simply dreadful and ugly. To top all of that off, you apparently think, and have said to others, that you are the victim, that I have done something to you, something no doubt dreadful, and you went to the police FFS and filed a bogus CRIMINAL complaint against me, and then went whining to mummy and daddy and got them to do the same. And on topper of ALL of that, you refuse to help me when the only help I need is for you to talk to me and help me understand what happened, something that I STILL sincerely believe would help you as much as me because your behaviour sure as fuck looks like running away to me and you know you shouldn't be doing that.

8/16/2018 1048 Another, more direct plea for Ryan to please stop this BS.
8/21/2018 0457 A taste of the price I continue to pay, a terrible price that grows by the day, paid by me for the benefit of a coward and a weasel, so he doesn't have to bother himself with talking to me. It's hard to believe he sent me a video of him doing this song, singing and playing guitar. It's unbelievably sweet considering it wasn't long after this that he turned into a dementor, even more so considering the song. I'll put up his version soone enough
This is Ryan's version. It's quite niceand he does look very adorable. As far as I know he recorded the video for me:
These next two are responses to a video I made with me simply talking to the camera telling Ryan how much I loved him and how much he meant to me. The more coherent MkII version sure sounds sincere and not merely teenage lust and horniness talking. Without me doing a fucking thing whatsofuckingever, it's still impossible for me to grasp how he turned his love for me, this love and appreciation for me, expressed so clearly here, into such antipathy, such inimical contempt that's all he's shown me ever since he disappeared a short 2-3 weeks later.

8/7/2018 2220 As I have more and more days where this fucked up mess causes me problems, the sheer arrogance, selfishness, uncaring dickishness of this shitty human being really gets more and more irksome. The 9th year has started. He simply doesn't give a shit about the consequences of his actions. I did nothing to him and he has fucked up my life for 8 years and is trying to make sure he fucks it up until I die. And there are the sick fucks who see nothing wrong with this, like his family. They've made it clear they have a ridiculous and utterly unacceptable double standard, for them it doesn't matter how seriously Ryan hurt me, they think I'm an asshole for trying to get him to help me. I'd like to hear someone explain how that's OK. This has caused me massive stress in many ways and it's been going on for 8 years. Stress is really hard on you, there are serious consequences to bathing your body in all the chemicals that stress induces to flood your bloodstream. I've mentioned this to the sadistic motherfucker but since he gives not a shit about what he's done to me and keeps doing to me, he did nothing. Ryan has chosen to cause me physical harm, real harm not just to my mental health, but he's causing damage to my long term physical health, because talking to me is a bit too much of a bother. Just to make sure it's understood, he knows he did this to me. He is knowingly making this choice. He intends to fuck me up for the rest of my life. HE WANTS TO DO THAT TO ME WHEN I NEVER DID A THING TO HIM WHATSOFUCKINGEVER!

8/10/2018 20:14 Well, apparently Ryan isn't movable, he can't be shamed, he has no compassion, empathy, not a whiff of character or integrity, and lacks even a hint of human decency that I can detect. He is so attached to his delusions, he's capable of inflicting terrible costs on anyone to not risk having them exposed. He's turned family and friends into despicable human beings, and wants me to stay tormented by his inimical hate and contempt for the rest of my life. He destroyed our friendship without a reason that I can fathom, and ended our relationship with incredible callous cruelty, inimical antipathy and withering contempt, somehow without realizing what that would do to someone with the feelings I had for him and with the psychological makeup he was well aware of. What ever compelled him to behave so deplorably, he can't bring himself to admit. He's chosen to cause me significantly more harm, more damage, and to get his family and friends to act as deplorably as he has, all just so he can keep living in his delusions. Yesterday, I felt really ill most of the day, with headaches and nausea, and no energy to do a thing. It's the continuing stress this has caused me, I've been munching Tums like candy. I took a nap for a couple of hours and I was gnashing my teeth so hard my jaw and teeth were really sore for the rest of the day. I've been almost house-bound for 2 weeks trying to deal with this, trying to get Ryan to do the right thing. For the moment, it looks like he's going to remain a coward and a weasel, he's choosing to keep hurting me more every day. I can't tell you how awful it is to have to experience this, to get inundated by this uncaring hate and contempt from someone I loved so profoundly. It's truly something that will never stop absolutely stunning me that he could act like this. And never stop haunting me. It's all been so incredibly disappointing and heartbreaking. Worst of all is how Ryan knows very well how this is affecting me, he's experienced many of the same issues. Instead of having any compassion for a fellow human being going through the same difficulties he's faced, he is going out of his way to make my problems WORSE FFS. That's made this all so so horribly dispiriting. How he can choose to do this to me is baffling. Yes I keep saying that shit because I can't get it out of my head. It's debilitating, it is undoing me in all kinds of ways. He keeps deliberately making that choice, he keeps deliberately taking steps to hurt me when it would be so easy to simply talk to me. And he's done this for 8 years. Ryan is acting like this knowing what he is doing to me better than most others would, and he's doing it to me, someone who loved him as profoundly as I did and who he had routinely insisted he loved too until he decided to hate me for no reason whatsofuckingever!
Below I've copied an email sent to the South Yorkshire police, it has info worth sharing here: Thank you for replying, I know this must be a real headache for you. It should be a purely private matter, but going to the police ended it being so. I don't think I am out of line by getting quite apprehensive as to what someone who exhibits as much delusional and/or dishonest behaviour as Ryan has might do next. I've demonstrated beyond doubt he has been delusional or dishonest in almost everything related to this ugly mess, and that includes his justifications for the complaint. The law is always slow to catch up with science, and it's usually quite muddy, often misguided, when it comes to psychology and other mental issues. If Ryan had slapped me, he could be charged with somewhat serious charges, I'm hazy about UK law, but he's not chargeable when what he did to me was infinitely more damaging, and the damage continues because he fails to do the right thing and stop the on-going long-term consequences for his actions. In your law, from Wikipedia [emphasis mine]: In the common law of England and Wales there is no criminal liability for failing to act in the event of another person being in danger; however, there are exceptions to this rule. In instances where there has been an assumption of responsibility by the bystander, a dangerous situation was created by them, or there is a contractual or statutory duty to act, criminal liability would be imposed on the bystander for their failure to take action. If the law saw psychological harm the same as it saw physical harm, Ryan would be chargeable under this. And this IS causing me physical harm, the stress it's induced in me for 8 years is damaging my health, but the law is essentially blind to that. Ryan and his family know what he has done to me and that the damage continues, they know I have the same types of mental/emotional frailties as Ryan, but somehow come to the conclusion that I'm the one who is trying to harm Ryan, that HE is the victim here. It's impossible to deal with folks who refuse to see the facts and can so easily ignore you. I'm afraid Ryan is too far gone, too wedded to the false narrative he's been telling himself all these years, and his family too willing to go along with it because the truth is unpleasant, especially for the mum. She has been encouraging Ryan to 'run away' when he faces difficult situations, and she'd have to face her responsibility for the serious consequences this has had for Ryan. And I'm having to suffer the consequences for her turning Ryan into a coward and a weasel. And you have had to suffer the consequences also, because only a coward and a weasel would go to the police because he's too afraid to simply talk to someone who has been trying to help him all these years. So, once again, I'm sorry you ever got dragged into this. I understand about the CYA nature of your responses, I hope you can understand my apprehensions. This letter is somewhat CYA for me also. Should Ryan ever have another serious anxiety meltdown, I want it known I TRIED to help him in every way I could but his delusions and the family stymied me at every turn. Have a good afternoon/evening Officer, hopefully we won't have any more need of arse-covering and you won't have to hear from me again.

8/8/2018 2314 Amid hits on the web site from the South Yorkshire police, likely Officer McShane, who I had just emailed, I put this together to show some of the small-minded petty BS Ryan has likely been pulling on me, little cruelties to add to the massive one of 8 years ago.

Today as I write this is August 4th, the day you could say this all started 8 years ago. So this is the anniversary. It's also the day, 15 years ago, my on again off again partner/ex killed himself. Not a good day for remembering for me. I put together a document that describes the ways Ryan has fucked up my life, how it's been diminished and degraded thanks to his callous cruelty. You can find it here if you're interested. I doubt seriously he'd ever read it, because I'm almost certain he refuses to believe he did anything of much harm to me, and I'm really sure his family believes he did nothing that harmed me. And as to why it's been so painful for me, see here, it's not hard to understand why it was so easy for him to gut me, and so hard to accept that he coud, and did.
If Ryan is a sadistic monster, then it's almost certain he's sexual predator praying on lonely old men as he did me, sending them pornographic pictures to lure them in and let him begin to psychologially torment them. I've documented why I think this is the case here.
You can see why I think Ryan is terrified to hear a word from me, so terrified, he gets frantic to shut down any avenues of communication I find that risk me getting a word or two into his sight and him accidentally reading them. This is the main reasoin I've written so many messages, I'm trying to get him to see at least a few words here and there.
8/5/2018 2327 It really baffles me that it seems so difficult for people to understand this. It's dead simple: Ryan treated me with brutal callous cruelty for no reason whatsoever. I'm so traumatized it's still diminishing my life 8 years later I can't get past it because I don't know what 'it' is, the behaviour is utterly unfathomable, inexplicable Took a year before Ryan finally realized he hurt me, tried to apologized and explain, failed miserably because it was full of BS, lies, delusions denial 6 years later, he will only slam the door in my face as I try to beg him for help to fix what he broke I can't get better until I know what happened Ryan refuses to talk to me So Ryan is choosing to fuck up the rest of my life just like he has the last 8 because he's too much of a coward to talk to me. Or, he's a sadistic monster and has wanted to hurt me the whole time So there's massive evidence of denial or delusion So there's massive evidence he treated me with extreme cruelty If he meant to do t his, then he's a sadistic monster If he didn't mean to, then why did he? What he has said is delusional or he's lying and so is a monster Can't dumb it down more than that

It's amazing how people can tell me I'm wrong and when I ask them where and 
how, they can't answer me and when pressed, they stop talking to me, ignoring 
anything else I try to say.  And of course they're telling themselves how 
stupid I must be, or arrogant, or whatever.  That's exactly what Ryan's semibro Nat did, see 
elsewhere.  First he accused me of saying the same thing over and over again, 
and then "And you're acting like it's god's bloody will and you can do no 
wrong"  FFS, I keep repeating things because they keep saying the same BS even 
though I keep pointing how it's BS. I keep saying the same thing but it's 
dumbed down each time, hoping maybe they'll get it this time.  For Nat, it 
needed a lot more repeats.  And no, I don't think I can do no wrong, but then, 
I'll be damned if I'm going to change my mind listening to ignorant twats who 
have no idea how to argue and somehow think telling me I'm wrong has won them 
the point.

I  need to stress this.  If all you can do is say I'm wrong, you've lost the 
argument, be default, you've forfeited because you're not arguing.  See Monty 
Python, "The Argument Clinic" for some helpful tips.  If you then simply 
disappear when I expose the vacuity of your position by asking how and where 
I'm wrong, then you're pulling a 'fairley', you're running away because you are 
a coward and you are a weasel.

It's maddening and incredibly frustrating when every single piece of shit who 
seem to support Ryan does exactly that.

No one has even attempted to refute my saying Ryan is either delusional or a 
sadistic monster.  No one has tried to do anything but say he's not 
delusional.  What that should mean to rational folk is they are conceding that 
Ryan is a sadistic monster.  But none of these dumbfucks can understand that.

Since these two repugnant cowards ignored me trying to get through to Ryan, and 
daddy actually is HELPING HIS SADISTIC MONSTER SPAWN to further torment me, I 
want them exposed for what they are, cowards who will help a sadistic monster 
who is trying to destroy a lonely old man's life for no reason 
whatsofuckingever.  And maybe that will help me expose Ryan for what he is 
before he succeeds in destroying my life.

pdw-2nd-review dwp-2nd-review

That's kinda weird about those initials, right?

Let's be really clear. Ryan treated me with brutal, cold cruelty, he used my emotional issues, many that he himself has, to deliver a soul-shattering blow that I haven't recovered from. This isn't open to question, Ryan even tried to apologize for his behaviour. Unfortunately, as his own words and deeds have shown, nothing he has said to me makes sense, it's either been delusional or lies. I have no clue what has made him act like a sadistic monster and this is making my life more and more difficult to cope with as I need to understand how he could do this and do it with such intense hate and contempt. All he needs to do is talk to me, but he would rather let me remain seriously psychological damaged for the rest of my life. Anyone that is taking his side is helping him by helping shield him so that I can't confront him and try to get him to be an adult and at least a semblance of a decent human being by taking responsibility for what he has done. I'm betting all of these assholes refuse to believe me about how much damage Ryan has done, and, with zero justification, think I have done something to HIM. BULLSHIT! What have I done? I've asked Ryan this, no response. Ryan has fucked up my life for 8 years for no reason whatsofuckingever and is trying to ensure it remains fucked up until I die. Consider how he's said nothing to me that makes any sense at all, he has contradicted himself without seeming to realize it. And, I'm telling you a consistent story, with documentation, and I don't scurry away and hide, terrified of being challenged, like Ryan and EVERYONE who seems to support him. And lastly, this is what the Ryan-recommended entry in Wikipedia says about Social Anxiety Disorder: "Major avoidance behaviors could include an almost pathological/compulsive lying behavior in order to preserve self-image and avoid judgement in front of others." I figured out Ryan must be doing something like this before I saw the wiki entry. When I found it, I tried, AGAIN, to talk to mummy, showing how this fit what I was trying to explain to her. What do you think she did? Yep, ignored the letter, then just hung up on me when I tried to call. The classic 'Fairley Maneuver', run away because you are a coward and you are a weasel. Ryan is trying to fuck me up for the rest of my life, like he has the last 8. He did this and is doing this FOR NO REASON WHATSOFUCKINGEVER. If you are aiding him, you are helping him fuck me up until the day I die. If you help a sadistic monster destroy someone's life, don't whine if there's blowback.

Because of the remorseless depravity of this piece of shit, and the fact
that Saturday is the anniversary, starting the 9th year of this crap, and I'm
simply sick of it all, I sent this to Ryan's emails at 8/2/2018 0234
Soon, I will be forced to attempt to alert everyone he knows about
how he is a sadistic monster and likely a sexual predator. This will
include notes as to how his despicable mother has shielded him, thus enabling
his sick behaviour, even encouraging it and helping him with it


Note:  You really should read this.  It's monumentally dickish to not read my 
messages, but it's also stupid. I'm going to send a copy of this message in a 
letter to everyone I can find and ask that they get it to you since you're too 
much of a coward and weasel to accept my messages.  This will ensure that you 
get a hard copy stuck in your hands by someone.  I'll start with the Fulwood 
Park Mansion neighbors, and then to the Brockworth neighbors, with a note about 
how you are likely a sexual predator and how your mum has been complicit in 
your efforts to destroy my life when you could help me by simply talking to 
me.  From there, not sure where I'll go.  This will be on the web site.  I'll 
send copies to both police departments so they'll be informed.  If I could, I'd 
have you charged with depraved indifference.  Everything I've said is true or 
is something that is a likely possibility based on the information I have. I 
haven't lied about anything.  You ARE delusional, you ARE acting like a 
sadistic monster, you COULD be one, or a sociopath, and it's more than a mere 
possibility that you're a sexual predator preying on old men and using Hasini 
to find promising targets with money who you can extort since you seem to have 
no employment.  None of that is a lie, it's all real possibilities based on the 
facts and your observed behaviour.

And oh yeah, none of this is anything like near to going too far, I'm trying to 
STOP you from fucking me up for the rest of my life when all you'd have to do 
to help me NOT be fucked up for the rest of my life is talk to me.



Subject: Your ugly senseless hate is horrific for me, it's pernicious and has been for 8 years. You have caused me real problems for all of that time, and you now pile on more and more. Why do you want to do this to me?

I've written a lot of these, futilely obviously, but I'm having serious problems, this is like the 3rd or 4th day I'm stuck unable to do much of anything. I'm too sensitive, the horrors you inflicted on me sicken me every day and have been for 8 years. You shattered my soul and keep doing a jig on the shards. There's a few of them left, but you refuse to help me put myself back together. You lead me into that relationship, encouraged me by telling me routinely how much it meant to you that I persisted in trying to get you to talk to me and how much it meant to you that I was there as your friend, that you were more open with me than your oldest school mates, and you often told me of your love for me. You insisted you loved me right up until you disappeared. More than once, I told you I was emotionally brittle, to please not make a schmuck out of me. After torturing me for 2 1/2 months, I manage to get you to talk, and you tell me it was all 'confusion and excitement', we never had a relationship, I meant nothing to you, you never loved me, even our friendship was a sham, and I should just fuck off. You said this with cold, callous cruelty, not a hint of remorse or compassion, you were glib, cavalier, full of disdain and contempt. You were well aware of my feelings, I told you almost daily, I loved you more than anyone before, you meant more to me than any other, I gave myself to you whole, body and soul, you were the center of my world. You destroy our relationship, doing it with such callous cruelty, and it takes you a year before you realize you caused me any pain at all. I was already nearly hysterical from the 2 1/2 months you disappeared, and you deliver this soul-shattering blow with brutal coldness, you make not the slightest effort to help me get through this, you go so far as to get hostile at me when I can't comprehend what you're really saying and ask for an explanation. And you had no idea this would cause me any pain. OK, tell me, is that not delusional? If not, what was it could keep you from realizing what anyone else would know without a need to think about it AT ALL? You had rendered everything you said to me during our [non]relationship BS, lies, null and void. Then you leave the equally delusional 'apology', it renders everything you said before BS, lies, null and void. It contains the sentence that shows you were either intentionally lying or knew you might be. Your behaviour the last 17 months makes a mockery of everything you said in the 'apology', rendering everything in it BS, lies, null and void, except, of course, that sentence that said it might all be lies. Your own words and actions make manifest I can't believe a word you've said to me. How can I get over any of this when I have no idea what the fuck happened? Do you know what happened? Do you have a firm grasp of what you were thinking throughout any of it? You said I deserved an explanation, but you refuse to give me a real one. I can't get past being brutalized by your behaviour, by the callousness of it, by the utter lack of remorse, and especially by how unfathomable all of this is. Everything about it has been completely inexplicable, and I'm haunted by how I have no idea how this person I loved so profoundly could turn into such a monster. For eight years, this has diminished my life, I'm left tormented by the sheer insanity of what happened, to agonize over the questions that can't be answered, like the whys and the how could yous, why destroy the friendship, why the need to make it as if it never happened. I told you you were giving me many of the happiest moments in my life, and you went and erased them all, turning them into nightmares, and for no reasons I can understand. And now, your behaviour for 17 months has been utterly contemptuous and cruel, inflicting more trauma on me and making my life even harder to cope with. You refuse to acknowledge I'm trying to beg you for help, you can only slam doors in my face so you don't have to hear me. You make not the slightest effort to help me, but have gone to considerable efforts to traumatize me more than you already have. And you've LIED. You have lead everyone around you to believe I did something to YOU, that YOU are the victim. Your mum knows better, but apparently doesn't give a shit about the truth. Both your parents have acted to help you keep traumatizing me, to keep fucking up my life, and to help shield you from me. By refusing to help me, you are without doubt, and knowingly, trying to make sure you fuck me up for the rest of my life. So tell me, how exactly is it wrong to say you're a sadistic monster? How am I wrong to say you and your family are despicable pieces of shit? How am I wrong? Y'all are too cowardly to simply talk to me. I tried, but they can't deal with me asking questions and expecting something beyond lies in response. They really don't want to hear the truth, just like you. You are all running away. So tell me, how far is too far in trying to get you to help me fix what you broke for no reason? How far is it before I've gone too far to get a sadistic monster to stop tormenting me? How far is too far to pressure anyone who is helping you to stop being such dishonest assholes and to tell you to do the right thing? If someone is trying to fuck up the rest of my life just so they can help you avoid simply talking to me, how far is too far to try to stop them? Do you think I'm going to give a shit about putting their jobs in jeopardy? Should I? If you think so, then tell me why. They're trying to fuck up the rest of my life for petty bullshit, and you think I should care about the consequences from ANYTHING I do to them? And you, YOU'RE the one who has brought all of this down, on EVERYONE. You're the TOXIC BLIGHT at the heart of it all. You're the one who has been destroying my life for 8 years and is now KNOWINGLY AND INTENTIONALLY trying to fuck it up for the rest of my years. And you've done this for no reason I can fathom. You refuse to help me end this torment because simply talking to me is too much bother. Really, think about that, think about ALL of it. You've been fucking up my life for 8 years, no reason, just because. And you have refused for all of that time to help me when all you would need to do to end the torment is talk to me. And that's the choice you have made, to keep fucking up my life till it's over, just so you can avoid talking to me. And you've maligned my character, trying to make it like I did something to YOU. I did, I loved you profoundly, more than anyone before. And for that, you have seriously fucked me up for 8 years and want to keep fucking me up until I die.

8/2/2018 1135
A quick Skype to hint at what's to come and make him realize the consequences 
of the choices he's made:

I hope you're happy.  You've really fucked me up because you're a coward and a 
weasel.  I kept trying to help you and you only want to fuck up the rest of my 
life like you have the last 8 years.  I was your friend, likely the best you've 
ever  had, and you destroyed that for unfathomable reasons.  You hate me for 
unfathomable reasons.  You threw me away for unfathomable reasons and with 
extreme callous cruelty, and didn't think you hurt me by doing that.  You're 
sick, you're either a sadistic monster or you're mental.  I tried to beg you 
for help and you slammed doors in my face.  Soon, a shitload of people are 
going to know who you really are under the masks.  I hoped I could help you 
stop this running away, running away from yourself, your family only tried to 
get you to keep running away.  Who do you think had your best interests in 
mind?  I hope you're happy with the choices you've made.  I hope you're happy 
trying to destroy me, because that's going to define who you are.

8/3/2018 0256 
A heads-up for you Ryan.  This is what you wanted, so I have obliged.
Flats 1-14 of Fulwood Park Mansions will receive this letter today.

7/30  2018
I have to say I am getting more and more POed, and disgusted, that this sick 
fuck has maligned my character to who knows how many people.  He sure has to 
the police, to his family, his flatmate, and likely at least some of his FB 
friends.  HE is the callous cruel motherfucker who, with at best, depraved 
indifference, inflicted such an emotionally shattering blow to me that 8 years 
later, I'm still traumatized.  He did this for no reason whatsofuckingever.  I 
suffer from some emotional issues, very similar to the ones he also does.  I always 
tried to help him, he used all my sensitivities, all my weaknesses, and 
everything that meant the most to me to maximize the trauma he inflicted.  I've 
now spent over 15 months trying to get him to help me, BEGGING him to help me 
get past what he did to me.  He's the only one who can because he's the only 
one who knows what he did.  All I've asked of him is to talk to me and help me 
understand.  He refuses to make the slightest effort to help me but continues 
to make efforts to further traumatize me.  So it's really twisted fucked up 
behaviour that he's trying to paint himself as the victim.  I have to try to 
set the record straight.  I shouldn't have to put up with a sadistic monster 
smearing my character dishonestly so as to make himself look like the victim, 
I'M THE FUCKING VICTIM.  I suffered for 8 years, I'm tired of hurting, it's 
wearing me down to nothing, and it's got to stop.

8/1/2018 1104
Another thing that disgusts to the point of getting really POed is the parents, 
especially Debra the mom.  I wrote her numerous letters, the dad, Steven, only 
one.  There's a more complete description below, the short version is their 
spawn Ryan acted with brutal callous cruelty, fucked up my life for the last 8 
years, did this for no reason.  I've made it clear he's either having mental 
issues brought on by his Social Anxiety Disorder, or he's just a sadistic 
monster.  Debra has insisted he's not having mental problems.  

So, they're shielding him from me, keeping me from trying to get him to take 
responsibility for what he did to me and help me fix what he broke.  Then, they 
went to the police for him, to also make a bogus harassment CRIMINAL 
complaint.  That is directly contributing to the damage Ryan has already done, 
trying to make my life even harder to cope with.  They clearly want to portray 
me as the bad guy and Ryan as the victim.  I gave them far more evidence than 
needed to convince anyone how bad Ryan's treatment of me truly was, but that 
doesn't seem to matter to them.   So anyone can see why I have little beyond 
contempt for these despicable, crappy excuses for human beings who can kick me 
when I'm down, way down, due to the behaviour of their spawn.

Debs is a teachers aide, some kind of teaching job, something anyone who
aids their sexual predator son to avoid accepting responsibility for
his sadistic games he plays on lonley old men shouldn't have.  I want
to warn her employer but can't find out where she works. If anyone knows where
this despicable woman works, please get the information to me so I can
warn them of the kind of 'person' they have working in their SCHOOL.

8/3/2018 0048 I reread my earlier chat with semibro Nat and it reminded me of how frustrating that was. I think he was really trying to help, kept mentioning he didn't think I was a bad guy or that I was malicious, but then, most of what he said always seemed to express a hidden assumption of ill-will in everything I said. Most striking, and I mentioned this elsewhere, is how extreme a double standard he had. Even more striking, it didn't matter how often I pointed it out, it didn't change his attitude. It's quite clear my mental health had zero worth to him, I had zero worth. He expected me to see it the same way and that I didn't somehow made me the bad guy. You can see it for yourself, it's here. If you read the whole conversation, it seems like Nat wasn't really listening to what I said. I don't think he gave a damn about anything I might have said unless I confessed to wanting to harm Ryan. He definitely couldn't hear anything about having a double standard. At one point, he tells me, condescendingly like so many of his words, that I didn't know anything about what it was like to have anxieties. I had just told him I suffered SAD just like Ryan. I doubt he or the rest of the family will hear me saying anything that's outside of their per-conceived notions of who I am or conform to their idea that I have ill-will towards Ryan. You can also see he has trouble differentiating between supposition and facts, if he can at all. There's no difference in how he asserts either one. I'll always say something like 'my best guess' or 'odds are', something that indicates I'm not stating a fact but something I surmise. [Yes, they're are countless counter examples of this here, but it's due to the dual nature of my description of Ryan as either a sadistic monster or delusional. It should be fairly obvious from context, though sometimes I do it to make a point.] That can really get annoying. Think about it, he's telling me it just doesn't matter how badly Ryan fucked me up, I'm an asshole if I try to ask him for help to fix what he broke for no reason at all. The mother is the same and I bet dad too. It makes sense when you think of the behaviour of their evil little spawn that they happily condone while treating me like a villain. It also kinda starts to get me POed when I think about it. They are actually saying that it's OK for Ryan to refuse to talk to me because it might make him uncomfortable even though that also means he is choosing to fuck me up for the rest of my life like he has for the last 8. If that's not being a sadistic monster, it's only because it makes him a sociopath, which has always been an alternative, albeit a tacit one. And as per the course for anyone in Ryan's sphere, he just quits answering my posts when I corner him. Like the parents, he says Ryan isn't in denial about anything, but then balks when I ask about why he was so callously cruel. They all seem to think Ryan is a sadistic monster, so one wonders why they want to support him and shield him. I'm now almost certain that the whole family simply doesn't believe Ryan did anything particularly wrong to me. I think even Ryan admits to causing me more harm than the family believes. Of course, that colors all of their choices in how to treat me. They think I mean him ill-will, without a shred of justification, while he hasn't done a thing to me. And of course, they won't discuss this. I'd say it's almost a sure bet that they are willfully blind to how deplorable Ryan's behaviour was and so judge me with that assumption. And that means that all of their judgments about me and who I am and what I'm trying to do are BS, worthless, irrelevant. Note to law enforcement: I don't know British law at all, but what does it have to say about people who are badly warped in their judgment who then file criminal complaints against someone? What if they turn out to be a sociopath? Do the police make it a habit of protecting sociopaths from the inconvenience of having to ignore one of their victims? It's also becoming clearer and clearer that Ryan in some way is thinking in the same vein. He sure has acted like I did something to him. They all seem to think I'm a monster for trying to beg Ryan for help to fix what he broke. And I'm way beyond POed about that, these slimy low-lifes keep wanting to portray their warped spawn as the victim when he's the only one victimizing anyone. Well, the rest of the family has gotten in some kicks while I've been down.

This needs to go somewhere, this is good enough: The lies and delusions.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< 8/3/2018 0517 I say I've conclusively demonstrated that Ryan has, throughout this whole ordeal, exhibited serious and almost continuous delusions, delusional thinking, denial, self-deceit, or he's been lying and is very likely a sadistic monster or sociopath. If there's anyone who wants to say he's not, like his family has claimed, then show me where I'm wrong. I've laid it out all in one document so it should be easy to point out where I went wrong. Officer McShane has claimed Ryan didn't seem delusional, but I'm pretty sure he was thinking more along the lines of someone like a schizophrenic, who is generally out of touch with reality, or at least at a much more disturbed level. The kind of delusion I'm talking about is the denial type, where the delusion is much more specific and situational. In the Wikipedia entry for Social Anxiety Disorder, which Ryan recommended for me to read saying it's good on this topic, it has this line: "Major avoidance behaviors could include an almost pathological/compulsive lying behavior in order to preserve self-image and avoid judgment in front of others." What is lying to preserve self-image? I'd say that could easily take the from of denial. And "almost pathological" sure sounds like what Ryan has been doing. It's like he can't help himself sometimes. But, there is a discrepancy here that that I don't know the answer to. Lying, even pathological lying, is something where you know the truth but say something else. Denial means you are lying to yourself, not others--even if you tell them the lie, you think you're telling the truth, hence, not lying. I still cling to the hope that Ryan is indeed in denial and not lying, but that's gotten a lot harder to support. I can't figure out going to the police, e.g., I guess if the denial was so strong he really believes I am harassing him for no reason, or whatever reason his delusions came up with. Then there's the time, it's 8 years later, could his denial last that long? This is another thing that makes his parents behaviour so, not just despicably rude, but moronic! I made it quite clear I was concerned for Ryan, that his behaviour was anomalous and likely delusional, he was 'running away'. I presented a lot of evidence for this, and got zero response beyond 'he's not having such problems', words to that effect. I was trying to help him, and they could only see me as a threat. FFS, how do you convince people who fail to perceive what's in front of them? If he's really in denial, if he's getting driven to this heinous behaviour by delusions, then he really needs help. And I sure can't even try to help him because his family shields him from me instead of helping me help him. That's why I think if he had a breakdown, where he HAD to seek professional help, that might be the best thing for him, it would get him out of his families immediate influence, and where a professional could, hopefully, tell them what they're doing and why it's so bad. I tried, but coming from me means they'll never bother to hear it. I went so far as to send Debs some citations to journal articles that said exactly what I was trying to tell her. They are cowards and weasels after all, afraid to talk to me because I keep pointing out how fucked up their behaviour is. And they're really despicable assholes because they keep making me out to be either someone who is out to hurt Ryan or I'm just a stalker who won't go away on their command. How the fuck can you deal with such craziness? How can you deal with it when these cowards and weasels keep maligning your character and I can't do anything about it from here? How do you deal with cowards and weasels who falsely portray you as harassing them and I can't defend myself in any way but what I'm doing here and the cowards and weasels can so easily shield themselves, running away from that bad man with all of those facts? If they weren't such cowards and weasels and could act halfway like a decent human being, they would have at the very least tried to mediate a conversation between us. They could have let me ask the questions that need answered and made sure Ryan tried to answer them. I'm betting they're terrified of that because of what that would reveal about Ryan's state of mind. Fuck me, I always think I can write something short and then this happens. One last thing. Rereading Nat's exchange reminded me of how he claimed not to know anything and how he and Ryan didn't talk about anything like this. That is something mummy also claimed, that she didn't talk with Ryan about difficult subjects. And Ryan had mentioned how Nat's dad was so awful to live with that they never talked about that time. Seems like a pattern emerges, hell, it's hurled out at escape velocity. I couldn't even get the police to do any question asking. McShane said Ryan wasn't interested in hearing anything I had to say. Jeez, what a surprise. I think they should have been more circumspect in accepting the complaints. I even gave him a number of questions that I thought would reveal how seriously mental Ryan was, but he didn't do anything about that. Well, I've put this document out for all to see. Look at it and try to find any errors. if you can't find any, then I'd say they ought to reevaluate their approach, like voiding those complaints. And Ryan refuses to talk with me, likely he's not reading anything I've written, making it impossible to try to persuade him of anything. This is so fucking frustrating, so fucking awful. I have no other choice but to act as if Ryan is a sadistic monster. After all, he and his family insist he is one since they deny he's in denial.

Anyone who wants to know what's going on here, just read below and the attached. I'm open to any questions, objections, differences of opinion, etc. I don't hide from the truth, I'm not terrified of hearing from Ryan, or his family or friends, if they think I'm wrong, why can't they be adults and discuss it all? To date, there's been nothing except a brief exchange with mummy and one with semibro Nat. Neither were productive, both quickly reached a point where they couldn't answer my questions, couldn't explain how I was wrong, so they disappeared. If you want to disagree with what I've said, great, just you better be prepared to defend your position because I'm sick of morons who think telling me I'm wrong is an argument, the really stupid ones think it's a winning argument.

It's hard to believe he hasn't had a least one person aware of this situation 
that was objective enough to tell him what a dick he was being.  I think it's 
quite possible that's what's behind the ersatz 'apology'.  It came quite near 
the time he started at Birmingham.  He was out to 2AM on a Thursday night, 
quite unheard of the year before, not something you would do alone.  Was he 
telling someone about us and got shamed into apologizing?  If so, the shame 
didn't go anywhere deep enough, the thought he put into it was minimal, and it 
ended with him saying he didn't know if he  meant any of it--"Or maybe I'm 
just being selfish and trying to rid myself of the last remnants of guilt 
hanging over me."  Considering he only apologized for at most 10-25% of what he 
did, and the explanation explained nothing, and he was too much of a coward and 
weasel to even bother checking to see if I replied, it shouldn't surprise 
anyone, like Ryan back then, that it only served to rip off the barely started 
forming scabs, magnifying the trauma still there while adding significantly 

Of course, just going over this sets off intense feelings, as aways, about the 
insanity of it all, about the betrayal and being dumbfounded that he could 
treat me so poorly, that he could still, after a year, be so oblivious to what 
he's saying, to what he really did to me, and especially that he could think 
that was a real apology.  And fuck me, he is of course totally re victimizing 
me since March 27 last year.  Now there;s a huge new array of behaviour that's 
as unconscionable as it is inexplicable.  And a new, daily source of utterly 
stunning behaviour, every day another day that he's actually depraved enough to 
keep ignoring me begging for help, that he's depraved and sadistic enough to 
keep inflicting yet more trauma.

8 years ago, Ryan treated me with such brutal callous cruelty that I am still 
traumatized by it, my life has been significantly diminished for all of that 
time.  The difficulty in getting over it is because his behaviour was so over 
the top deplorable, he exhibited an inimical, ugly hate for me, totally 
undeserved though he acts like I did him some terrible wrong.  None of it makes 
any sense, and he disappeared making it impossible for me to find out what 
happened.  A little over a year later, he drops off an apology, knowing he 
would never even bother checking to see if I replied.  That was a good thing 
for him since this 'apology' was nothing but delusion and lies and crazy talk.

So I need Ryan to talk to me to help me understand what happened.  I've been 
trying since March of last year, sending messages after message, of all kinds,
emails and IMs and PMs and youtube comments, and etc, and he's never replied 
to a single one, he's never acknowledged a single one. 

And apparently I'm a horrible horrible person 
for trying to beg him for help.  That it's such a burden for him to ignore all 
of my messages, he had to go to the police to try to stop me trying to beg him to 
help me.  Then, he actually got his parents to go to the police too!

I know there's a few folks who have at least perused the sight briefly. I'm writing this 7/29/2018 2236, the day I IMed all of Ryan's FB friends. I hate that I had to do that, but Ryan has left me very few options, and that's one of the last I ever wanted to try. The material here at this time is almost all recent, from the last few weeks, except for the linked documents, some of the included material is over a year old. The recent stuff is, let's just call it pretty strident. I've been trying to beg Ryan to help me since March 27, last year and I'm still waiting for ANY kind of reply. Unless you want to call getting an email from the police telling me Ryan had filed a CRIMINAL complaint against me for harassment a reply. I guess all that ignoring got to be a bother so he needed the police to ease the burden of ignoring every message I tried to send him. And then went whining to his mummy and daddy to get them to do the same.

I'm routinely astonished at how readily people can delude themselves, how 
adamant, so confident they can be in the fantasies ginned up in their own 
minds.  No need to consider evidence, no need to trust their eyes or ears, they 
already just know.  Everyone who seems to be supporting Ryan, or are on his 
side, however you want to say it, is deluding themselves in one way or 
another.  I've given far more evidence than sufficient to demonstrate how 
wildly and facilely Ryan can pop up a new VR for any occasion.  His family, 
flatmate, and now a number of his FB friends refuse to look at what I have 
written, they were happy to block me though, because, well, they know right?  
It's so easy to just know you're right when you deafen and blind yourself to 
anyone who disagrees with the lies you tell yourself, who's outside your belief 

I wonder if these people know that they are supporting a sadistic monster and 
casting his victim as the bad guy?  Are they ignoring me simply because he's 
their friend/family, or has Ryan been lying to them about what he did?  Who 
knows, I can't know because the lot of them are cowards and weasels who refuse 
to communicate with me.

One particularly ugly, transparent, pathetic, and laughable e.g., Ryan, for no 
apparent reason, treated me with such awful callous cruelty that he inflicted 
long-term emotional trauma, diminished my life ever since, 8 years FFS, and now 
is trying to inflict yet more trauma.  He could easily help me end much of this 
trauma by simply talking to me, but he refuses to even hear a word from me, 
refuses to hear me beg him for help.  This makes me an asshole, the bad guy, 
who is trying to hurt Ryan.  You can see why talking to me poses problems for 
those who've taken this position.

If you really want to know why this is so horrible for me, and the real scope of how dickish and sadistic Ryan's behaviour has been, check out the very first email I sent him, and the first snail mail I tried. Of course, Ryan has made sure he can deny ever reading a single one of my messages, but is it really relevant? When someone has worked so hard to NOT know something, they really know what it is they don't want to know. You see this in arguing with creationists and other fundies all the time, and Ryan is very well aware of this. Is there anyone who doesn't think Ryan is being deplorable for not talking to me? He won't even have someone pass on a message, anything that could give me an idea of what he's doing or why, or ??? You can tell I really believed Ryan would talk to me at some point, that he couldn't possibly ignore me begging for his help. How naive, he's still resisted all communication of any kind and he's taken steps that clearly continue to hurt me, to make things worse for me. Consider the apology, where he said "I'm really really sorry", "I'm really truly sorry", and "I hope I can maybe alleviate any pain you might still feel" and then look at my pleas, at me BEGGING him to help me, and all he will do is slam the door in my face, ignore every single message I've sent, and go about making my life even harder to cope with. If he's not a sadistic monster who's been playing sick games on me, or having serious denial issues, I'd sure like to hear another explanation. I can't think of anything that comes close to explaining this craziness. It's really some bad craziness. bad_craziness.jpg Also noticeable is that I still, 7 years after, hadn't understood a lot of the implications of Ryan's behaviour. In forcing me to keep writing messages hoping something would get through to him, I got to really think about things more deeply, especially a lot of the most painful bits that I usually tried not to think about much at all. The result is realizing how much shittier his treatment of me really was. Up until last year, I was still blaming myself for a lot of it, still too damaged, too shell-shocked to see how dishonest/delusional a lot of it really was.

At least 2 FB friends have left me nothing but a disapproving frownie as a reply. Really, what are they saying? It's too ambiguous to impart any useful information. Do they not like it that a stranger would use FB to ask someone such a question, or that they don't like that I'm criticizing their friend, or that I would criticize anyone, or what? If anyone reads those early messages to Ryan and the ones to his parents, you should see I'm completely open, I've laid out all of my cards on the table, face up, no hidden agendas, I say exactly where I'm coming from, I even expose my weaknesses letting all see how pathetic I can be, I lay out my evidence and explain what I'm thinking and what I'm hoping they can do. And I'm always open to being questioned, happy to correct myself if needed, and very happy to defend what I've said. With all of the communications to Ryan, his family, here to FB friends, and to his semi-bro Nat, there has been 1, yes, one, not 2, not a few, ONE real objection to anything I've said, and that was Mummy trying to tell me Ryan wasn't ignoring me because he hadn't picked up the post mail. Which was laughable and pathetic as I had told her I'd sent dozens and dozens of email PMs and IMs etc. Then there are the few other pseudo objections, where I've been told outright I'm wrong, but somehow they can't tell me how I'm wrong, they can't refute a single thing I've said. It's at that point, where I ask questions they can't answer, that they quit accepting my messages, start ignoring me completely. Anyone with half a brain should understand what that is transparently saying. I would love it if ANYONE who knows Ryan would talk to me. Tell me how wrong I am, I'm not afraid to talk, I don't hide behind the police, or mummy's skirt, I won't frantically shut down any communication avenues to someone who disagrees with me. I'm not in such denial that just hearing a few words from someone who lives in the real world terrifies me so I have to deafen myself. So please, if you know Ryan and have a different idea about ANYTHING I've said, talk to me, set me straight, just don't expect me to have the patience to listen to anyone who can only say I'm wrong but can't say how or where or anything but I'm wrong. You lose that argument by default.

So Ryan has fucked up my life for the last 8 years, and refuses to have any communication with me, refuses to help me fix what he broke for no reason whatsofuckingever. By refusing to help me, he is ensuring he will fuck up the rest of my life. The same with the parents, by going to the police, they're helping Ryan fuck up the rest of my life just like he has for the last 8. He cruelly fucked me up and I'm an asshole for begging him to help me. How does that work? Does anyone really think this is acceptable behaviour? He wants to fuck up the rest of my life because he can't be bothered to simply talk to me. Is there any reason I shouldn't see this as the behaviour of a sadistic monster? I repeat myself often, how can I help it? It's all so fucking unbelievable, so ridiculously over-the-top awful, it NEVER fails to stun me, never, 8 years of this crap reverberating in my brain because it's so inexplicable, so awful, so unnecessary. 8 years Ryan has screwed me up, and that's STILL not enough for him. After almost a third of his life, he STILL wants to keep fucking me up for the same ZERO reasons as he had before. Why? Why the fuck does he want to keep doing this to me? I can't stop myself, can't stop the anguish from causing me to keep asking myself that over and over, and again and again. i-keep-suffering.png All of the details of this deplorable situation can be found below including a few linked documents. I don't know how to deal with this. The whole family totally ignores me because they're morally bankrupt, they are cowards and they are weasels. And they're trying to fuck up the rest of my life because they are morally bankrupt, they are cowards and they are weasels. The whole family acts like I did something horrible to Ryan, that I am the bad guy here and Ryan is the victim. They're acting like this because they are morally bankrupt, they are cowards and they are weasels. Did I mention about how they are morally bankrupt, they are cowards and they are weasels? OK, good, it simply can't be said enough how they are morally bankrupt, they are cowards and they are weasels. So to anyone finding this page, please peruse, read at your leisure, and please, tell me what you think, is Ryan a delusional or is he a sadistic monster, or maybe he's both?

There is significant evidence Ryan might be more than just a sadistic monster

Is Ryan a predator, even a sexual predator? Well, he does have a bit of

a disturbing focus on his penis. This is what you'll find on his Facebook page; Ryan's interest in where he can stick his dick

And there's his gaming ID for League of Legends--Kukenerdarlig. This is a made-up Norwegian word that could be translated as bragging about how great his cock is. Hmmmm

I had a lot of fun trying to figure out what the hell this was.

You can see some of my efforts below. I kept figuring that 'bad' could mean great

as it does in English, but it took awhile to find a source that explicitly said this.

kukenerdarlig-translations.jpg kuken-cock.jpgdarlig-great.jpg

Or maybe he's just saying he's weirdly kinky in general???

And then there was the following disturbing exchange. Note how he almost chastises me

because I would have qualms about fucking someone who is unconscious. He's awfully loose

about where he can stick his dick, he uses a gamer ID implying how great a dick he has,

and isn't very concerned about shoving his in someone unconscious??? That IS disturbing

Ryan (1:18 PM): It's not just that, but the way you keep on saying things like that that make me feel so happy certainly help Me (1:21 PM): You mean like telling you that listening to your voice is like being bathed in an aural orgasm, that it gives me little twitches deep inside my gut? That I have never heard a more attractive, inviting voice and would be happy if I never heard another? Ryan (1:32 PM): Yes, exactly like that *he says, feeling rather faint * Me (1:34 PM): Will check out, got to treadmill at the mo. " Yes, exactly like that *he says, feeling rather faint " I'll try to get it to all the way faint. Ryans (1:40 PM): But then I couldn't do anything to you! Ah well, you could still have your fun, I could have mine later Ryan (1:42 PM): If you were to... have your fun... while I was unconcious you would have to film it for my later entertainment Me (1:43 PM): I think that excites you, eh? Ryan (1:45 PM): Maybe Me (1:46 PM): I couldn't do anything like that! But, when you see me in person, that might be the only way you want to have sex with me. Ryan (1:56 PM): " I couldn't do anything like that!" Why? "But, when you see me in person, that might be the only way you want to have sex with me." Why Me (2:01 PM): Why I couldn't have sex with you while you were unconscious? That is just not right, I don't think I could do that, maybe if you explicitly told me to, but it would still be yucky. As to the other, well, I ain't a pretty youngster like you are. Ryan (2:09 PM): Fair enough. It's still consensual, but I guess there are things which rub you up the wrong way, for legitimate reasons or not No, but you're hot

Email/Skyp from today, 7/28/2018 2252, harbingers, important

      1 week before we start the 9th year that you've fucked up
          my life.  How much worse do you want his to get?

Why the hate Ryan?  Where did that intense contemptuous inimical hate come from?  It's clearly still with you.  Surely you have some coherent idea about how it arose?  When did you go from loving me to hating me?  When you lost your romantic feelings as you called it? According to you, instantly, you realized I meant nothing to you, we were never friends and you never loved me, it was all confusion and excitement.  So whence the hate?
That's a hell of a torque on your feelings.  Surely such a momentous event would register strongly in your memory, so why haven't you mentioned it?  How could you think you had explained anything if you didn't explain how you came to hate me with such intensity?  And so inimically.  I mean, you're acting in ways that are destroying me and it means nothing to you, and that's both now and back then.

I'm getting worse, so you should be happy, and proud.  You and your family working together, so sweet, except your working to destroy me. 

Where were you yesterday, Friday, at 11PM?  You got an iphone?  Were you on it at 5PM?  Where were you on May 23 last year?

Why those 2 times only last year?  At l;east that's the only definitive ones.  You know what I'm talking about, right?

You've been playing more sick games on me.  You're intentionally trying to keep me confused it appears, does that sound accurate?  That's another intentional, deliberate move to fuck me up even more.  Why?  Why do you keep trying to hurt me?

There's a really ugly and massive level of a combination of dickishnesss and cowardice in how you've acted towards me, and it makes YOU look uglier and uglier.  You kick me when I'm down, you continue to traumatize me, 8 years now, and even get others to help you.  And it's all for no reason and you're a weasel because you won't even tell me why you're doing it.  And you refuse to tell me why you hate me, I sure have no clue.  I can't make your much earlier claim about a different thing, where you said 'it's not that I don't want to say something, it's that I can't', meaning the SAD prevents you from speaking.  There's no way that applies here, or for any of this, it can't possibly explain going to the police, the Fiona incident, the FB friend request.  No, those prove you just want to fuck me up, and do it in as cruelly and painful a way as you can.

So you ARE a sadistic monster, and it's the right thing to warn others of your true nature, who you really are under your masks, how truly and profoundly ugly you are inside.  And how devious and likely sociopathic also.

And you will make sure to NOT let me know if you read this, just like ALL the others.  Have you been laughing at me all this time?  Yeah, it's easy to laugh at me fumbling around as I try to figure out a way you're not a monster when the whole time you WERE.  Easy to laugh at a very lonely old man who thought it a miracle to find a wonderful new friend and then you pull the rug out from under him and watch him fall.  High-larious.  Hee hee. 

I'm going to keep trying to expose that monster behind the masks of Ryan Fairley.   I hope  you like having others know about you and what a vile, foul piece of shit you are.

Who's less connected to reality I wonder?
vile piece of shit

I truly am getting much worse

I have so much  shit I need to do,  but my mind can't get started getting me going.  Your sadism has robbed me of so so much, like it's left me with less and less mental energy I  need to motivate me enough to move, to do, to accomplish.  I'm sometimes left stuck.  It's happening more and more now.  I'm getting desperate, and I'm also getting angry.  Desperation is the mother of a lot of invention, and of throwing off constraints.  Just remember you foul beast, you can't get angry at me, this is all on you, YOU DID THIS.  We could have had a wonderful friendship, but it seems you're only capable of commitment to hate.  And hate can breed hate.


7/26/2018 0800 Texas time

I realize I'm an idiot, oblivious to the obvious at  times, but it only just 
now occurred to me.  It's important enough that I wrote to Officer McShane of 
the South Yorkshire Police about it and this deserves to be right at the start 
of this page.  I'll just repeat what I wrote to him:

Good morning/afternoon Officer McShane, I'm sure you're overjoyed to hear from me once again. I've still never gotten any kind of response from Fairley, and zero from his family, though I've written numerous times to both [mostly before they filed the complaint wrt the parents]. I tried to engage in an adult, civil conversation, but they just ignored me even though these are important matters involving their son. In desperation, because I'm having more and more difficulties coping with my life, I tried to talk to the flatmate, Hasini Janapriya, if nothing else, to tell her her flatmate was either a sadistic monster or was suffering from serious delusions. Two letters through the post got zero response, so I just the last few days tried Facebook Messenger. She blocked both IDs I had without reading the messages. Hasini works for DWP, she's involved in their data processing. If Ryan likes to target old men for his psychosexual games, like he did with me, who better to find him useful targets than someone who has access to pension data? Plus, I saw no sign of employment when I had his flat watched, and Hasini was seen only once, leaving at about 9:30 AM. She didn't appear to live there. So why share the lease on an expensive flat? How is Ryan making money? I've thought for some time it could very well be sugar daddies, but what if they're not willing sugar daddies? It's a real possibility. Anyone who can do what Ryan has done to me is capable of doing such things to other lonely old men. He lead me into that relationship, kept insisting he loved me and encouraging me to love him right up until he just disappeared. When I managed to get him to talk, he was angry and contemptuous. It adds up. Plus, how exactly does my asking Ryan for help to fix what HE broke for no reason whatsoever make me the asshole? I really think you might want to contemplate that. I have no idea if Ryan even still lives in Sheffield, he might so he could still be in your jurisdiction or bailiwick or whatever it called over there. rob

Since Ryan's parents have been despicably rude and are shielding him from taking responsibility for his sadistic behaviour, and then, FFS, filed bogus CRIMINAL harassment charges aginst me, they have crossed the line and are now helping Ryan further traumatize me. I have gotten prettty disgusted with these pieces of shit. Steven is a driving instructor, people like that shouldn't be in a teaching position.

Warning to driving school where steve works

Anyone who helps a sadist hurt his victims deserves anything that happens to him. This whole family is deranged, they think I'm a terrible person because I'm tryng to get their bastard spawn to help me fix what he did to me for no reason. I'm not sure if Ryan has made them act like this or if he's the product of a twisted, depraved family.


Debra Fairley is a TA, teaching assistant.  I'm not sure what that means in 
Britland, it's not like TA in US universities, it's something in their regular 
schools.  That's not  a position she should have since she's Ryan's principle 
shielder, the one whose skirt he likes to hide behind, still, at 26 years of 
age.  Unfortunately, I don't know where she works, they need to be warned 
also.  If anyone who sees this knows, please send me the info,  It would be much appreciated.

It's been really annoying, and telling, quite revealing actually, how all of these Firleys, and now the flatmate, have handled this whole situation. I tried to have a serious, adult, civil conversation with them, I laid out all of my cards, face up, nothing to hide, no hidden agendas. My first contact with Debra was a long letter, I explained what Ryan had done to me, how delusional he seemed, I exposed many of my weaknesses, laid myself bare, embarrassing aspects included. I wanted her to understand the depths of the trauma Ryan had inflicted on me, how he used his knowledge of my weaknesses, my sensitivities, and what were the things I valued the most, to maximize the pain he inflicted on me. I explained how I was trying to get through to him, but that he ignored everything I had written. I went into a lot of detail about how Ryan evidenced significant denial in his behaviour and the things he said, and explained all my reasoning about why I thought him delusional. And I also explained the only other explanation for Ryan to keep tormenting me, to keep damaging me, was that he was a sadistic monster. At that point, I was still freaked out about Ryan not being at RHUL, I had no idea what had happened, for all I knew, he was curled up in the fetal position in some loony bin. She assured me he was in a "pretty good place". She also said he didn't live there at that time, but had some months before. And that's about the entire amount of info they've deigned to give me about Ryan. Now, one of the really annoying bits. She went on to say if I kept trying to get through to him, I might put him in a "not so good place". This was kinda astounding that she would actually say such a thing. She was totally oblivious to what a massive double standard she had. Seeing as how I was in a massively not so good place, and it was because of what Ryan had done to me for no reason whatsofuckingever, objecting that my trying to beg Ryan for help might put his mental health at some risk clearly exposed how, to her, my mental health meant nothing and Ryan's meant everything. I explained this, and said it's OK, she's his mother, but I sure as fuck had no reason to follow that BS. Apparently exposing her flawed thinking meant I didn't need to be taken seriously. I also pointed out how shielding Ryan from talking to me was only enabling his 'running away' behaviour, that that was Ryan's biggest problem with SAD, how it had held him back a year at school as a teen and likely was what made him flee RHUL after a mere 2 months. I told her flat out, that wasn't helping Ryan, that was harming him. I think that is want did the trick. She never answered a single letter, our only exchange was the phone call after the first letter. After a couple of more letters got ignored, I tried to call, she hung up on me as soon as she saw who it was. And that's the Fairley response to people who want to tell them things they don't want to hear, not because there's anything wrong with the information, it's precisely because it's true. The Fairleys really don't want to know things they find uncomfortable or that conflict with what they think, so they ignore the facts, they ignore anyone who's trying to tell them anything they don't want to be the truth. And that's 'running away' behaviour. The next time I tried to call, Debs actually simply yammered into the phone nonstop so I couldn't say a word to her, and then hung up the phone. Running away again. Except that time, Ryan might have been in the room, if he was, she was actually teaching him by example how successful running away can be. And that is bad for Ryan. Ryan has probably his whole life been getting taught to run away by his own mother. He's worked so hard doing CBT to stop this unhealthy behaviour pattern, and his mother is undoing all of that work. Despite all the horrors Ryan has inflicted on me, that made me kinda sad to see. In all of the letters I've sent, all of the arguments I've made, the only thing that ever was objected to was Mum trying desperately to tell me Ryan wasn't ignoring me because the post letters I'd sent were still there, he hadn't been by to pick them up, so that meant he wasn't ignoring me. Of course that was laughable, I'd told her in the first letter how I had sent dozens and dozens of emails, IMs PMs, youtube comments, etc, all of them without a reply or even an acknowledgement of receipt for any of them. And that's why they have to ignore me. They can't argue with what I have said, it's all really straight forward, I provided copious documentation and compelling arguments. They can't counter any of it, so they do the Fairley thing, they ignore me, they run away from the reality I represent and that they can't abide. And now, the flatmate Hasini has done the same thing--ignored two letters through the post, and ignored the facebook IMs I tried to send. When I wrote to dad, I got no response so I called. The step mum, Helen, answered, said Steve wasn't in, asked what was this about. I answered honestly, told her my name, said I'd written him about his son Ryan and wanted to speak to him about it. There was a short pause and then she said she didn't know anything about that and I had the wrong number and hung up on me. She'd already told me Steve wasn't in FFS! They can't discuss these issues like adults, they have no arguments to make, but they insist I have it wrong. So how do they handle this problem? First they ignore, then they file CRIMINAL complaints with the police because ignoring me is too much bother, and it risks causing them too much cognitive dissonance, or something like that, some lame reasons that boil down to them all being cowards and weasels. You can read all of these letters here.

I have begged and pleaded with Ryan for 8 years to talk to me, to explain why 
he acted the way he did, why did he have to be so utterly brutally cold, 
callously cruel, and contemptuous. He's acted as if I had done him some 
terrible wrong even though I never did, I only loved him more than anyone else 
before.  Why did he destroy our friendship, how did losing his romantic 
interest in me [something I knew could happen at any time, told him this 
numerous times, he always objected] lead to this hate, this antipathy, this 
need for him to hurt me, to feel he had to make it so he could believe we had 
never even met?  He has refused to speak to me, he acts like I don't exist, 
he's terrified to hear a word I say.  He's done this knowing he's fucking me up 
psychologically, and apparently, he wants me to make sure I remain damaged for 
the rest of my life.  He refuses to help me when all he needs to do to ease 
most of the pain he's caused me is simply to talk to me.   He has and is making 
the choice to fuck me up for the rest of my life just because it's too much of 
a bother to talk to me.

Those are the choices he's made.  Either he's a sadistic monster, or he's 
mental and there's something really really wrong with the way he's thinking.  
Everyone, him and his family, insist there's nothing like that, that I'm wrong, 
that there's no mental issues, no denial. So what's left?

So all of them insist Ryan is a sadistic monster, and then they choose to 
shield him, to let him avoid taking responsibility for what he's done, and to 

These are the choices these reprehensible fucks have made.  I hope they're not so 
juvenile as to whine about there being consequences for trying to fuck up the 
rest of someone's life just so Ryan can avoid having an uncomfortable conversation.
Of course, I'd love to have a chance to discuss this with any of them. I've tried, but they're cowards and weasels and are terrified to speak to me. THEY KNOW. It's as simple as that. They know they're wrong, they know Ryan has been a despicable human being, but they can't admit that. They'd rather help him fuck up the rest of my life than admit that I've been right all along, that I'm the victim and their sick twisted spawn is the bad guy in all of this. And they'll never admit how badly they've served Ryan by shielding him, that they've been encouraging him to run away while he's been trying so hard to stop such behaviour. Except it seems when it comes to me. He seems to crave that more than anything. There appears to be something really awful about why he decided to hate me when he really loved me. And that, folks, is what this is all about. I need to understand why he made that choice, to hate me so strongly that he could callously shatter me emotionally, scar me psychologically for life, to leave me traumatized and tormented till the day I die.

He's fucked up my life for 8 years now, and the only reason he's chosen to do this is because

he's too much of a coward and weasel to talk to me. If you've had similar experiences with

this despicable low life, I'd love to hear about what he did to you. I want to know everything

I can about this perv and will pay for verifiable

Of real interest are any social media IDs beyond his yootpeeeah youtube channel,

Ryan Fairley Facebook page, or rationalskepticism and rationalia forums. He's somewhat of

a gamer, uses 'Kukenerdarlig' in League of Legends, see below for the worrisome meaning

of that word. I want to know how he did at school, any problems or conflicts, any

sexual abuse accusation. Has he ever had a partner for longer than a few months? What

have they had to say? I'll make it worth your while, so please come forward,

I promise total privacy and anonymity if wanted.

I don't know if he still lives at Sheffield address, 13 Fulwood Park Mansions,

I think he may be back hiding under mummy's skirt at 7 castle Hill Dr, in Brockworth.

that's where he grew up from age 13 i think to 19 when he went to uni in Birmingham.

Anyone knows how that went, any details of how he lived, would be quite valuable.

I can't believe I'm the only victim of the sick psychosexual games he played on

me for his sadistic pleasure of tormenting a very lonely old man.

In October of last year, 2017, he was seen working at a Tesco in Stroud as a tillboy,

He was in possession of a decent vehicle he drove to the job. Then I lost track of him

until February when I Found out he was renting a flat with an old college friend.

I managed to have the place watched for a while. He was gone for a few days, returning on

foot with a backpack. The vehicle was never seen. Then, he never left the flat for over

a week. It looked like he'd arise around 11 m to 2 PM, do some cooking, then watch TV,

some more cooking anywhere from 5 to 8 PM, lights out 10 -11:30. He was online during

the later evening I'm sure, have direct evidence of him being online about 12:15 one day.

So, no job, hangs out on the web. How is he having any income? I'm betting it's

sugar daddies, or just hustling. Maybe a better idea is sex cams, though I've yet to find him.

Anyone know where or which site he's using please let me know.

Maybe I got off lucky, I see no limits to the depravity he's likely capable of. Being an

ocean away, I had some protection local guys wouldn't have. He could be extorting money

from his conquests, or blackmail using pictures of the sex acts he lures them into

performing, who knows what twisted crap someone like Fairley might resort to to

get money.

I'd really like one of these moronic dicks to try to explain to me why I'm supposed to be such an asshole for trying to beg Ryan to help me fix what he broke for no reason whatsofuckingever? I'm having serious difficulties coping with my life, largely due to the brutal, sadistic treatment by Ryan 8 years ago, and somehow, I'm an asshole for trying to get him to help me. They clearly have no idea who the victim here is. And it sure as fuck isn't the sadistic monster.

See the following for details of how he's fucked up my life and of the many ways I've tried

to get him to help me get past the horrors he's inflicted on me, and how he refuses to even

acknowledge a single message. He refuses to make the slightest effort to help me, but to

this day, continues to go to considerable efforts to fuck up my life more and more.

Most of what you'll read are messages I've sent to him, trying to get him to understand what

he's done, to get him to at the very least acknowledge the many ways he's damaged me. It's

inescapable that he's either a delusional or a sadistic monster, if the former, then,

hopefully I can pierce his delusional beliefs, to make sure he admits to himself what he's

done to me and lead him to talk to me so I can understand why he did what he did and the

way he did it. And if he's ultimately just a sadistic monster, at least I can expose his

behaviour so others can see what a monster he really is no matter how sweet he may appear

to be if you don't know him well.

You want to know what's going on here? This email from 7/24/2018 1337 will give a good

bit of it. As you read through these many many examples, you'll notice sizeable mood swings,

even radical tonal shifts, it's the result of how I can't really know what's happened, and

Ryan's refusal to let me know anything, he's not let himself have a conversation with me

since mid May 2010, the crap on August 4th was nothing more than Ryan talking at me, he didn't

really listen to what I had to say, didn't really answer any of the questions I asked. So now

some days are bad days for me, very bad days, and the sense of betrayal, of the

gross unfairness of it all, the contemptuous nature of his behaviour, the cold brutality

so cllously cruel, and his refusal to let me get any closure, any relief from the pain I still feel.

this leaves my mind endlessly trying to have the conversation it needs, and I find myself arguing

and pleading with Ryan, in my head. I'ts often debilitating to say the least. And it can really

start to get to me and on really bad days I start having episodes of near inert incapacity,

my temper can get the better of me and I want to be as hateful and hurtful as he's been.

Unfortunately, that is nearing the typical more than the exception these days.

Why do you hate me so?  Why are you being unspeakably awful to me?  How can you keep ignoring me?  You're incapable of shame, or integrity or honesty or compassion.   What are you?  What happened to you?

Logic and reason don't sway, your own promises mean nothing, your own assertions assurances, anything you've said has been meaningless, like someone else must have said them because no one who said what you've said would then act like you have.  No excuses, no explanations will ever make sense of your behaviour.  Are you a sociopath?  I mean that as a serious question.  You have evidenced not a care for what you've done to me.  The one outlier, the attempt at an apology and explanation, is a perfect example, the only thing that is real or true in it is the thing you said you hoped wasn't true.

It's like you only deal with someone who is of immediate use to you, after that, you'd a soon run over them with a bus as give them the time of day, more likely you'd prefer to run them down.

Like I said before, I've never experienced such antipathy and hate and contemptuous depraved indifference before, it's sickening, especially since I'm on the receiving end.  Of course, and obviously, none of this makes a lick of sense.  I can't fathom how that sweet young man I thought I knew could turn out to be such a monster.  Ignoring my messages is hateful, it's contemptuous, and choosing to do so means you want to fuck me up for the rest of my life.  As you also did when you decided to just disappear.  You're vile, really, just vile.  You really think that it's OK to lead me into that relationship, repeatedly tell me how much you love me and how much I mean to you and let me love you as profoundly as I did, and then just disappear, hoping to never ever see me or have to interact with me again in any way, thus fucking me up for the rest of my life, and then act like I've done you some wrong?

If you're not a sociopath, then you're deranged.  Or more likely, both.  You can't possibly have any human feelings because you couldn't ignore me begging you to help me while my life is going to shit and then go out of your way to accelerate that process, to make me hurt much more, to make my life harder to deal with.  That's seriously cruel.  You're a monster.  I don't see any other explanation.  I desperately want, NEED my friend back, but that person never existed, so I'm just left fucked up and will be for the rest of my life, which fortunately is coming near the end.  At least I don't have to live with myself knowing what an ugly disgusting thing I am, like how you live.

Were you really like that when we were together?  I still can't believe it, there must have been something you did or that someone did to you after 'I don't know.  I don't think so" that warped and twisted you into this monstrosity.  That at least would bring some slight comfort, We were never in a relatinship, we were never friends, that person is dead, you did something to kill off that person.  Too abd, he was a great guy.  You on the other hand...

You are foul

You are vile

You are without a shred of human decency

You are without a shred of compassion

I reached out to you, to become friends, hoping I could help you, ended up profoundly in love with you, and for that, you are fucking up my life.

               UR-vile.png                              foul-lathsome.gif

I really hope your life turns out to suit you well,  scurrying around in the dark desperately hoping no one sees you as you try to find sustenance, the filth and shit you live on, that sustains your filthy shitty life.  You're like a one-man human centipede.  Oh yeah, so are your parents who aid and abet you in your foul vile behaviour.

I'm trying to find out what's wrong with this creep, especially if he's done similar BS to anyone else.
If anyone can give me any info on who this guy is, if you know him and want to share experiences,
or if you know someone who he's played such sick games on, please get in touch,
I'm really interested in what caused him to abandon his PhD program after less than 2 months. I've
assumed it was his anxieties, but he was a TA, which has some authority over underclassmen, or should I
say, underclassboys? You can't trust your assumptions, he doesn't come off as a monster, but in my experience
he can turn into one without much effort or motivation beyond needing to lie to himself.

You can read a fairly complete account of why Ryan is as I describe him, how

this seemingly wonderful sweet young man might truly be a sadistic monster.

The short version: we were in a relationship, he lost his romantic interest,

decided he had to hate me, treat me with callous cruelty, proceeded to act in

ways guaranteed to cause me severe psychological trauma, took a year to realize

he had caused me pain, tried to apologize by spewing delusional BS, then, more

than a quarter of his life later, when I was still suffering from his

unconscionable behaviour 7 years earlier and had begun to have real problems

coping with my life, I tried to ask him for help, and he simply ignored every

attempt, not acknowledging a single message, and when ignoring me got to be too

much bother, he went to the police and filed a CRIMINAL complaint FFS. He

refuses to simply talk to me, the only help I'm asking for. He won't make the

slightest effort to help me get past what he did to me, but still managed to go

to the fucking police, and then, ran to his mummy and daddy to get them to do

the same. Everything he's done has only served to make my life harder and

harder to cope with, he's still torturing me for no reason whatsofuckingever,

unless of course, he's a sadistic bastard. Either way, it's abundantly clear

he's a coward and a weasel.

What's really hard to get past is the massive amount of pain,

of long-term trauma he's caused me, and all of it needlessly, unless that was his

goal all along, in other words, unless he's a sadistic monster. All I've ever asked of

him to help me is to simply talk to me, honestly,openly and frankly. Maybe that's

WAY too high a burden. But then, why? It sure seems like there's something that

he's terrified to talk about, or admit to, or even alllow himself to believe true????

Whatever it was that lead him to act the way he did, 8 years later, almost a thrid of

his life later, he's still terrified to discuss, or let me ask him about. Fucking crazy,

inexplicable, how am I supposed to deal with this shit? How can I get over something

when I don't really have a clue what it is I need to get over?????

Ryan could help me trmendously by simply talking to me, but he won't do that, he refuses

to hear a word from me. He chose to go to the police and file a CRIMINAL complaint against

me rather than help me by talking to ome. What kind of sick asshole could act like that?

How seriously fucked up, twisted, and deplorable a human being does Ryan have to be to

choose to do that to me?

Another issue that makes it impossible for me to get past is that, as far as

I'm concerned, as far as I can comprehend, I don't understand why we're not

still friends. I miss my friend, we had a wonderful friendship BEFORE all of

the romantic stuff started, by him no less! It's so hard for people with

social anxiety disorder to find and make new friends, so it was really special

that we hit it off so well. It sure meant a great deal to me, and Ryan told me

often how much it meant to him. Of course, what he then said on Aug 4 erased

EVERYTHING he said before, so how am I to see his previous statements? The

bottom line is--I did nothing whatsofuckingever to deserve his hate, or the

hateful treatment. There wasn't anything to make him want to destroy our

friendship, except his BS need to hate me.

And that makes it really hard to take. I've demonstrated how thoroughly his

thinking was flawed, all the awful treatment, the disappearing, etc, was

seriously messed up, delusional, self deceit, etc. Yeah, I've demonstrated,

proven, explained, made a compelling case to him, numerous times in numerous

ways. And I've explained how maybe he should re-evaluate EVERYTHING that he

was thinking back then. Of course, I have no way of knowing if he's read a

sinlge one of these messages, so who knows if he's done this. But, as long as

this has gone on, he should have gotten most of the message by now.

Think about it. The 'apology' made it absolutely clear how badly he was

thinking. Ryan's own words exposed the crazy behind his actions and thoughts

that day. FFS, he didn't think he was causing me any pain! FFS, he tried to

tell me he disappeared for MY benefit. AND, FFS, he got angry at me for asking

for an explanation, but in the 'apology', says I deserve one, somehow

forgetting the anger the year earlier, somehow not realizing THAT deserved an

explanation and an apology. So, really, RYAN exposed how fucked up his

thinking was, I just pointed it out since he seemed, and STILL seems, to be

oblivious to all of this.

Wouldn't you, if you realized you had so completely fucked up how you handled

some situation, wouldn't you start wondering what else you might have gotten

wrong? I don't think Ryan let himself. It sure seems like realizing the truth

about his past actions is something he avoids at all costs. He should have

done this on his own, but he hasn't, he won't or can't for some reason. So I

have BEGGED him, ABJECTLY begged him, to reconsider how he has felt about me

all this time since it is so apparent how seriously off he was about everything

else related to our relationship, our friendship, and how he turned all of that

into this horrible antipathy and contempt. Well, obviously, the antipathy and

the contempt have only grown stronger over the intervening years. He didn't

rethink ANYTHING, he has only intensified the fucked up thinking.

I miss my friend, and I want him back, Yes, I still do even after all of

this hateful behaviour. I can't stop thinking it's because he's mental and

that he'll figure this out, but that seems less and less likely, almost

impossible now. I'm afraid he's got so much invested in hating me that he will

always conjure up some new BS to use against me, like he did when I asked for

an explanation he didn't want to give, he simply got mad at me and accused me

of never being satisfied when he had told me all there was to tell. That was

clearly a lie.

How can I get past all of this craziness? I don't even know what happed, what

Ryan was thinking, what he thought he was doing, what he thinks he did now,

whether ANY OF IT is real, and when he is terrified to hear a word from me,

much less have a simple adult conversation. I've been so naive, I really

thought Ryan would realize this all on his own, years ago, and would come and

talk to me and we'd both have a good cry and we'd be friends again. I still

don't understand why we're not still friends. I can't fathom a fucking thing

about his behaviour, and he insists on being such a coward and weasel that he

won't talk to me about anything. It fucking hurts, and it always will,

especially now that he's been treating me with such callous cruelty again and

for over a year, and with exactly the same zero justification as 8 years ago.

And, as should go without saying, with the same LUNACY as 8 years ago.

Is Ryan a predator, even a sexual predator? Well, he does have a bit of

a disturbing focus on his penis. This is what you'll find on his Facebook page; Ryan's interest in where he can stick his dick

And there's his gaming ID for League of Legends--Kukenerdarlig. This is a made-up Norwegian word that could be translated as bragging about how great his cock is. Hmmmm

And then there was the following disturbing exchange. Note how he almost chastises me

because I would have qualms about fucking someone who is unconscious. He's awfully loose

about where he can stick his dick, he uses a gamer ID implying how great a dick he has,

and isn't very concerned about shoving his in someone unconscious??? That IS disturbing

Ryan (1:18 PM): It's not just that, but the way you keep on saying things like that that make me feel so happy certainly help Me (1:21 PM): You mean like telling you that listening to your voice is like being bathed in an aural orgasm, that it gives me little twitches deep inside my gut? That I have never heard a more attractive, inviting voice and would be happy if I never heard another? Ryan (1:32 PM): Yes, exactly like that *he says, feeling rather faint * Me (1:34 PM): Will check out, got to treadmill at the mo. " Yes, exactly like that *he says, feeling rather faint " I'll try to get it to all the way faint. Ryans (1:40 PM): But then I couldn't do anything to you! Ah well, you could still have your fun, I could have mine later Ryan (1:42 PM): If you were to... have your fun... while I was unconcious you would have to film it for my later entertainment Me (1:43 PM): I think that excites you, eh? Ryan (1:45 PM): Maybe Me (1:46 PM): I couldn't do anything like that! But, when you see me in person, that might be the only way you want to have sex with me. Ryan (1:56 PM): " I couldn't do anything like that!" Why? "But, when you see me in person, that might be the only way you want to have sex with me." Why Me (2:01 PM): Why I couldn't have sex with you while you were unconscious? That is just not right, I don't think I could do that, maybe if you explicitly told me to, but it would still be yucky. As to the other, well, I ain't a pretty youngster like you are. Ryan (2:09 PM): Fair enough. It's still consensual, but I guess there are things which rub you up the wrong way, for legitimate reasons or not No, but you're hot

It appears the whole family is sick and twisted, and despicably rude to anyone 
who might see reality too clearly.  I tired to talk to the mother but really got 
nowhere.  I presented copious evidence of how delusional Ryan must be, or that 
he's a sadistic monster.  She couldn't manage to get past the extreme negative 
bias she obviously had for me.  She isn't capable of understanding what it 
means to have a double standard, or that I'm the actual victim here and not her 
fucked up spawn.  I've collected all of the letters I wrote to her here, 
including some letters to daddy.  In the end, the only real effort they would 
make was to help Ryan inflict harm on me, they also went to the police to file 
a CRIMINAL complaint.

One of the more galling aspects of this whole thing is how, despite the horrible

behaviour towards me, despite him having fucked up my life for years and for no

reason whatsofuckingever, I still loved him, I still cared for him, still hoped

he was OK and doing well, and was happy. When I discovered the 'former' in his

entry at the RHUL, it really scared me, it made me sick to my stomach,

literally, like those awful, painful butterflies in your stomach when you find

out something really disturbing or frightening. And I told him about it, don't

know if he actually read the message, but he had it in front of him. Did he do

anything about it? Nothing. Didn't acknowledge seeing it. Even this past

year and a few months, as he continued to hurt me, continued to make efforts to

make my life even harder to cope with as I begged him for help, even then, I

still loved and cared about him. And I still do, but they've grown quite faint

these feelings. Ryan has insisted on trying to make me hate him, and it's

finally working. Going to the police was such an over the top, absurdly

deplorable act that it broke something inside me. And then he got his

deplorable, piece of shit parents to do the same, and they did, which goes a

long way to justifying my description of them. All the way really, but there

were prior reasons to describe them like that.

Maybe there's something wrong with me, but the behaviours these Fairley

lowlifes have exhibited towards me is ugly, it's deplorable, it's disgusting as

far as I'm concerned. I can't see it any other way. I'd like to know what

some independent person thought about it but I have no one to talk to.

However, I did obliquely tell a few people about it to some limited extent,

people Ryan knows and likes, and their assessment was he was acting mental and

being a dick.

This email is so emblematic of everything fucked up about this nightmare. I sent it 7/16/2018.

It's about a line in Ryan's laughable attempt to explain and apologize, so I included

a copy of my annotated copy of it.


I'm guilty of some serious delusions myself.  Like it's only now that I am beginning to understand the enormity of one sentence in that ugly message you said was an apology and an explanation.  How ugly is a bit open to question.  It's the sentence I've described as the most honest thing in the whole document, the 2nd one here-" I don't have the literary talent to express just how guilty I felt about this, but the guilt still lingers today, and I guess that in writing this I hope I can maybe alleviate any pain you may still feel. Or maybe I'm just being selfish and trying to rid myself of the last remnants of guilt hanging over me."  Think about what you're actually saying here.  After a year, apparently you felt so much guilt you were compelled to write me an apology, but after writing it, and even trying to rewrite it, you don't know if you meant ANY of it.

You manage to say all of the things you said, admitting to being shitty to me and causing me a lot of pain, forget about how you ignored or blocked from your mind the majority of it, giving me explanations and telling me you're really really sorry and really truly sorry, and you yourself admit it could be the case you meant NONE of it, that it was all self-serving BS so you could get rid of the guilt and forget all about me.  If that's all it was, that's enough evidence of what a depraved piece of shit you really are, but even if it's not the case, you're still saying you're the kind of person who could do such a thing.  I've established how virtually nothing you've said could possibly be true, and you have managed to demonstrate the insincerity of most of it yourself, then you were just trying to rid yourself of guilt, and so you didn't mean a word of it.  That also means you HAVE NOT APOLOGIZED and you HAVE NOT GIVEN ME AN EXPLANATION, you've just made shit up that you think I might buy.

So, I'm guilty of some serious delusions myself, the delusion that you can't be such a horrible person.  It seems you can and you know it.  I've speculated that you might even be devious enough to know that writing that 'apology' would only serve to cause me more pain, more trauma, and would continue to do so as I would always keep wondering if you were ever going to read my reply.  It seems my delusions kept me from believing this was the much more likely truth, not some really unlikely possibility.  The fact that the first email I sent you, and numerous subsequent ones had me begging you that, if nothing else, to please at least pick up your messages at the forum so I wouldn't have to suffer being constantly reminded of the horror by having my reply still sitting in my outbox.  You of course refused to do even that little bit to help me suffer less.

This only reminds me how there is an overwhelming selfishness to how you've behaved.  You haven't given me or my feelings, and especially my mental health, any real consideration, you've afforded them zero value. You are willing to cause me serious psychological problems for years just so you can avoid an uncomfortable discussion with me.  Or, again, you're just a sadist.

I'm not cut out for this kind of inimical dickishness.  I'm too sensitive, it hurts too much, and I'm left mentally damaged by the weight of your hate and contempt.  It numbs my brain, making me almost catatonic at times as I obsessively contemplate the horrors.  Can you really be so dark inside?  Are you really so ugly?  The toxicity of your behaviour keeps growing, and the horror of realizing what an ugly creep you must be inside overwhelms me, leaving me near undone, incapable of accepting what is becoming inescapable.  There are no explanations, no excuses for your behaviour beyond that you're a monster.  And so the question becomes far far less speculation, how many others have you treated like this?  Are you a sexual predator?  Is this how you get off?  Hopefully, your web site will be found by one of your other victims and the truth about who you are will be unleashed and your masks ripped off for all to see the ugliness that is all there is inside you.

And another email/Skype IM, from 7/21/2018 0216, about where we stand

You're probably telling yourself what an asshole I am and how you got the cops helping you and both your parents got together to help you, and guess what?  Don't mean shit.  Ryan, I know you know somewhere in that weird head of yours that your behaviour towards me has been and is thoroughly reprehensible.  The cops can only go by what you're telling them.  YOU.  And your parents are too biased for their opinion to matter truth-wise.  The letters your mother and dad both got from me laid it all out, they had nothing to counter anything I said, so they did what you do, they ignored it and asserted their own version of reality, which is by and large what YOU have told them.  Does that sound pretty accurate?

You must know where this stands, right?  It actually hasn't budged much from Aug 2010, except you've made it much much worse.  You treated me with unconscionable callous cruelty, for no reason, had zero compassion for what you were obviously doing to me, i.e., delivering a soul-shattering blow that would undo me almost completely, gave no, offered no help to get through the devastating, brutality of it all, and disappeared, all of that done for no fathomable reason.  And for 8 years, you have refused to talk to me.  For 8 years, you have acted as if terrified to hear a word from me, eg, bailed out of the forum, the Fiona incident where you were frantic to  shut me up, and trying to get the police to shield you from my words.  You fucked up my life for all that time, diminishing me in numerous ways, leaving me to be tormented, never understanding how you could treat me that way and why you wanted to.  Even after all of that horror inflicted on me, I still cared about you, I sincerely believed you were mixed up, as you said you were, that you'd at some point realize the real extent of what you did, and you would come to me to make some kind of amends, at least acknowledge what you had done and maybe express SOME kind of regret.

But that was too much to expect of you.  I have no idea what you've been telling yourself all these years, no doubt trying to forget about me, about US, completely, but you couldn't, could you?  did your conscience bother you at all?  What about cognitive dissonance?  Did you get even a twinge of that when you were telling me in the 'apology' about how you were using CBT and had identified the source of a lot of your running away behaviour?  I mean, that 'apology' was nothing more than an instrument to let you tell yourself you had done what you could, you didn't have to run away from me, from US, any more.  That's right isn't it?  That's what you've been telling yourself?  But you know that's a lie, that's why you're terrified to speak to me.  Now, you're running faster and harder, trying to get away from who you are, but unfortunately, there you are, where you always are it seems, running, running, running.  You were running at RHUL weren't you?  You know whatever you were running way from there, the past 5 years you had been running way from me meant you had your running shoes on and were well warmed up, made it real real easy to start running away from whatever it was at RHUL.  In other words, being too much of a coward and weasel to talk to me for the 5 years before meant you were used to feeling like a coward and weasel, so bailing out of RHUL was much easier to do.  Hell, your own mummy seems to want you to run to her so she can shield you from the difficulties of life, of living life like a responsible adult.  And YOU LET HER!!!!

So that's where we stand.  You have fucked up my life for no reason whatsoever, and refuse to help me, but you have no problem further fucking up my life and even went so far as to get the police and your parents to help you fuck up my life EVEN MORE than you have by yourself.  You're a twisted asshole who needs to be put in his place.  Convenient how you won't let yourself hear a word from me.  I wanted to help you.  I can't say if you had kept me in your life like you promised of course you would that I could have made a difference at RHUL, but you would have a hell of a lot better chance if you hadn't already been running away from me for 5 years when you got there.  And I sure as fuck would have given you hell for even thinking of running home to mummy to hide behind her skirt.  I would have been working really hard to give you all the encouragement I could.  You know, like how just talking to me used to help you push away your anxieties, it made coping with your life a little easier.

I believe scraping me out of your life might have been one of the worst mistakes you've ever made, and not from my perspective, but because of the consequences to you.  I mean look at you, you're a sadistic monster and your mummy daddy and semi-bro are all despicable assholes, and they have you to than for making them so. 

 How much worse do you want to make this?  I'm having more and more moments of complete incapacity, more and more periods where I can't think clearly, where I'm too sickened by the thought of you being such a monster and wanting to fuck me up for the rest of my life to function properly.  I can't go on much longer without the risk of some kind of complete breakdown.  And this is all your fault, because you're too much of a coward and weasel to talk to me.  Because you're too much of a petty selfish dick to help me.  Because you're being a sadistic monster and a thoroughly deplorable human being.  How much worse do you want to make this?


And another email/Skype from 7/21/2018 1037

The longer you let this stupid BS go on, the more proof there is what morally bankrupt cowards you and your family are

All of you refuse to have a basic adult conversation with me, y'all are afraid to, so afraid, you run to the police to shield you from my attempts to talk, and simply ignore all the attempts I've made so far.  Think about it, you're too much of a coward to TALK FFS!   The lot of you.  And it's because you ain't got a moral leg to stand on.  You have refused to help me, but it ain't no problem to kick me when I'm down.  What pieces of shit y'all are, every fucking Fairley and Nat and step mummy too.  All that anger directed at me because you're too afraid to talk to me so you have to conjure up out of your asses a reason to despise me, to blame me for your own moral failures, for your failures as decent human beings.

This is all transparent to anyone who understands the facts, who doesn't run away from the truth when it's uncomfortable or makes them look bad.  Here's a little heads up, y'all look far far worse than bad, y'all look like pathetic weasels who will torment a lonely old man when he's already having serious trouble coping with his life because of the sadistic treatment you/your son inflicted on him and while that sick twisted sadistic monster ignores his pleas for help.

Do you even let yourselves perceive this is what you are doing?  I think the lot of you could deny the existence of the Empire State building while standing a foot away from it.

Such deliberate denial, the dishonest anger generated out of fear and nothing else like facts, is why it's so accurate to call y'all morally bankrupt.  To keep torturing me while I'm trying to beg for help is simply despicable, disgusting, deplorable, and it seems SOP for you sick fuckers.

You think it's OK to make my life harder to cope with rather than Ran talking to me.  You think it's OK to keep tormenting me so Ryan can run away from doing what he himself says I deserve to get and he tried to do before but failed due to insanity or lack of integrity and cowardice.

You think it's just fine that Ryan has fucked up my life for 8 years and wants to keep fucking it up for the rest of my years.  That's the kind of aholes y'all are.  That's the kind of dicks y'all are who call the police to shield them from being shown how profoundly despicable you have to be at a fundamental level, in other words, shielding you from hearing the truth.

Be sure to share this with your parents and the police.


An email.snail mail sent 7/22/2018. The first part shows how his choice to

ignore every message I've sent, not acknowledging receiving a single one, is choosing,

intentionally choosing, to make my life much harder to cope with. He's choosing

to fuck me up more than he did 8 years ago, and, like then, he wants to fuck up my

life for the rest of it. He can't NOT know this will be the consequences of his

behaviour, so it's hard not to believe he isn't trying to destroy me. He already

got a great start on this effort 8 years ago and now, he's even gotten his parents

to help him in his efforts to completely fuck up my life. He's choosing to go this

way rather than simply talk to me and help me understand what he did back then, and

why he felt the need to, what the fuck his thinking was.


You only have to look at one piece of this whole ugly mess to see how you have seriously diminished my life, at least since March last year.  By refusing to respond to ANY of my messages, never even acknowledging in ANY way receiving a single one, you have forced me to spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to get through to you, trying to beg you for the help you owe me and that you clearly know you owe me as you admitted in the 'apology', trying to get you to act responsibly, trying to get you to act like a decent human being.

And, knowing how I'm having real difficulties coping with my life, you let this go on, deliberately choosing to have me spend all of this time on obviously incredibly frustrating activities.  How do you think that affects me?  Do you think that makes coping with my life ANY easier?  Yes, I did say writing these can be therapeutic and provide some relief, but that's only some of the time for some of the messages.  Mostly, it's a huge time waster and generator of massive frustration and disappointment and grief.

And yet, you persist in being this utterly unconscionable dick, you persist in trying to act like I don't exist, like I'm not trying to beg you for help to get past what you did to me, help to get past the emotional- and ego-shattering brutality of 8 years ago that was without justification.  You persist in choosing to ensure you can keep fucking up my life every day you refuse my request to simply talk to me.

What kind of person could act so deplorably?  What would YOU call such a person?

How far is it reasonable for me to go to try to get through to you?  How far is it reasonable for me to go to get a sadistic monster to stop tormenting me?  Wherever that boundary is, nothing I've done comes anywhere near enough to even see where it is.   That's why getting angry with me for my reactions to YOUR behaviour is so misplaced, so misguided, so unjustified, and basically, so bogus, feigned or ginned up in your head to justify the anger, that it's almost laughable for you to try such BS tactics, they're transparently self-serving BS.

Do I have to start trying to find that boundary?  You've been pushing me, hard, to do just that.  It's only my extreme distaste at being dickish that has stopped me so far.  You can be absolutely sure that when I start being a real dick, I will have REAL reasons for doing so.  I mean, that's kinda obvious, these messages are almost all chock full of the reasons why I should have been getting ultra-dickish long before now.


Ryan, to harbor a hate, and especially to feed it, when you have no justification for it is wrong, it's really wrong, it's extremely dickish.  And you have no justification for your hate, you haven't even tried to give a justification or explanation.  Even the 'apology', where you leaned towards the real a tad at least, you didn't sound hateful, and didn't even acknowledge how hate-filled your 'shitty' behaviour really was.  In fact, you didn't say a thing about any behaviour on my part that you had a problem with, except that my REACTION was immature, and that was misguided BS, an opinion you formed when you were telling me you weren't causing me any pain by disappearing and insisting you had given me the only explanation there was to give and got hostile when I asked for more.  My reaction was an attempt to get you to give me the explanation I am STILL waiting for.  Tell me, what other avenues did I have at the time to motivate you to do the right thing?

You really can't hate me, not rationally.  But you must hate me, hate me profoundly, to treat me as you have for 8 years, to want to fuck up my life, the rest of my life.  But you have no justification for this.  You're terrified to speak to me about this, obviously because you can't, you have nothing to say that wouldn't make you look insane, or monstrously sadistic.  That sounds pretty accurate, eh?

All of these letters and emails getting put up on your web site.  I want anyone who cares to see what's really going on a chance to read them for themselves.   And it's for law enforcement.  I want them to understand who it is that's using them and why.  I think they should understand why I have to keep sending you messages, it's got nothing to do with harassment, it's me trying to get help, and you're the only one who can help me since you're the one who caused the problem to begin with.  I want them to understand that you have fucked up my life for 8 years now and want to keep fucking it up for the rest of it and you are USING them to help you do this.  I want them to understand that you've done this and keep doing this because it's too much bother to speak to me, period.  That's it.  You think it's OK to fuck up my life because of the bother of speaking to me.  That is who you are. That is what you are choosing to do and chose to do 8 years ago.

And, as importantly, I want anyone who should care to look to see how clear it is, how obvious, that you are either suffering serious delusions or you are simply a sadistic monster.

Plus, I think law enforcement should understand how complicit your parents are.  They should know how I tried numerous times to engage them in serious civil conversations and they couldn't be bothered, even as they knew what you had done to me and how you were refusing to help me, how you were utterly ignoring EVERYTHING I sent to you knowing I was begging you for help, help you acknowledged you owed me.  And most of all, how your parents going to the police to file bogus harassment charges was really aiding and abetting your continued tormenting of me in your sick psychosexual games you've been playing on me.  Or is it that you are delusional?  They and you insist you're a sadistic monster since I was told you're not having anything like denial issues.  Which is it?  Why so terrified to talk? 


And another sum up:

You destroyed our friendship for no reason whatsofuckingever, turned to hating me instead of loving me for no reason whatsofuckingever, and chose to fuck up my life for the rest of it.  And you refuse to speak to me and explain why and how and what for you had to do this, which ensures the rest of my life will be fucked up, seriously diminished by my not knowing, never given a way to understand, just as it has been for the 8 years since you did to me what you did.  And in the last few months, you have made substantial efforts, not to help me, but to fuck up my life even worse than you already had AND you got your parents to help you fuck it up even more.  Does THAT sound pretty accurate?


And a Skype from earlier that day copied to the email.

The italicized bit is really important!


You know you meant everything to me, that's real, no confusion, no 'artificial'

BS. Doesn't that mean anything at all to you? It meant a great deal to you

back then, at least you said it did. But you decided you had to hate me, for

no apparent, fathomable reason. And you fucked up my life for the past 8

years. Do you really hate me THAT much? And you seem to hate me enough to

want to fuck up the rest of my life. You have to know that choosing to ignore

me, refusing to talk to me is going to keep me fucked up until you do. I can't

help that, it's you who put me in this condition, only you can undo what you

did. So you can be a responsible, decent human being and help me, or you can

run away, be a coward and weasel, knowing full well that you will be condemning

me to never ending torment, haunted by the betrayal and the loss and the

inexplicability of it all, and that you refused to help me when you so easily

could. Haunted that the centre of my world could hate me as much as I loved him

Can you tell when your beliefs are internally generated? What I've seen makes

it look like you might have problems with that. E.g., you can't hate me, there

wasn't a fucking thing to lead you to hate me, but Aug 4, 2010 and ever since,

you have hated me, a fucking lot! What is it you think makes you hate me? WHY

do you hate me? Can you find an answer to that? Does that reason sound

reasonable? If you heard it come from someone else's mouth, would it sound


What I'm trying to convince you of, STILL, is that you are fucking up my life

because of your delusions, and it's really a fucked up thing to do. Or you're

a sadistic monster.

Have you given the slightest thought to the Fiona incident? We were

essentially having a v v v brief chat, except you didn't answer my message, you

shut down the acceptance of new messages from me, and you did it FRANTICALLY,

didn't you? Why? It would have been so easy for you to start talking to me

then, to chat with me for the first time in over 7 years. How could that scare

you so? What could possibly be so horrible about talking to me when you used

to get so much out of that? How could you want to hurt me so viscerally like

that? Didn't you realize what a horrendous slap in the face that was?

You can't undo the 8 years of fucking up my life, but you could easily keep

from fucking up any more it, and end most of the pain I'm in. Right now,

you're making the deliberate decision to keep fucking up my life, to keep me in

pain, and apparently, you want that to go on for the rest of my life

That is what you are doing.

That is the choice you are making.

Is that who you really are?

Is that something you want to remember doing to me for the rest of YOUR life?

Do you want to be responsible for doing such a monstrous thing to someone who

loved you as profoundly as I loved you?

You truly broke me Ryan, you broke me good. Only you can help me get mended at

least to some extent. Only you can end the pain you have caused me to endure

for 8 years. Are you really utterly bereft of any compassion

whatsofuckingever? Have you NO human decency?


This really sums up this whole mess in a way. And I'll never know if he even

read it if he doesn't decide to finally talk to me

Today, 7/11/2018

I must be crazy because I keep doing this, expecting you're going to finally

come around and face reality, stop being a despicable piece of shit, stop

torturing me, stop being a monumental dick, etc, could go on for days. FFS,

I've PROVEN, demonstrated without doubt, shown conclusively, etc, how

delusional/crazy/in denial you've been in many ways during most of this, that

you have absolutely NO justification for any of this behaviour, and that you

are either a sadistic monster or you're having serious mental issues like

denial and other SAD BS. You've had 8 years to do the right thing, and the

best you could do was the 'apology', and the last year and 3-4 months, your

behaviour utterly undermined any of the meaningful sentiments expresses in it,

e.g., being really truly sorry and hoping to eliminate any pain.

I've also made it quite clear that I came to you for help and the only effort

you have made is to make my life harder to cope with. That's simply a fact, an


Even YOU exposed the denial and delusion from Aug 4th. And nothing! How is

that? How can you keep acting like you have? How can you justify ANYTHING you

have said or done? One of the more pernicious aspects of your behaviour, and I

think I've seen this on more than 2 or 3 issues, is that you try to take my

reaction to your unconscionable behaviour and use that as justification for

that behaviour. Eh, it don't work like that buddy. That in itself is dishonest

and despicable. Are you so wrapped up in your arrogance and denial that you

don't even realize that that is exactly what you are often trying to do?

Let me make this abundantly clear, I have not once done anything to you that

you could object to, nothing you could object to morally or ethically, sanely

or reasonably, fairly or by normal standards of conduct. I've never done

anything to you that was the product of serious ill will. Anything you might

want to point to has been reaction to your utterly unconscionable behaviour

Sent on: 8:12 pm

That last paragraph should be carved into your forehead to make sure you keep

having to be reminded of it. I know it's true, I even know you won't object to

it. You won't object to it because you are too afraid to have any discussion

with me AT ALL. And that's a great piece of evidence that it is true. Even

though I bet you have plenty of objections to my statement, you can't make them

because that would mean talking to me, which would mean I could once again

demonstrate how utterly flawed, how utterly fucked up your thinking about ALL

of this has been all along. If you actually had a discussion with me, you know

I would expose how serious you have wronged me and how astoundingly dishonest

you've been for 8 years. It would become impossible to avoid admitting you've

been running away from me, from what you did to me, and mostly from yourself,

for 8 years. Do you plan to keep running for the rest of your life? That would

be sad, and pathetic. And it would mean you would continue fucking up my life

for the rest of it.

Sent on: 8:24 pm

Ryan, you have tortured and tormented a very lonely old man who only loved you,

loved you PROFOUNDLY. Anything you may have against me, whatever it is that

makes you hate me, it's bogus, it's a product of your fucked-up thinking 8

years ago. Why do you insist on continuing this horrible behaviour? What is

it that compels you to hate me and to keep trying to destroy me? Don't kid

yourself, your actions are destroying me and you either know this or you

wilfully keep yourself from knowing this, which is irrelevant, both have the

same conclusion, you ARE trying to destroy me. How can you do that to someone

you insisted you loved and who loved you as deeply and completely as I did?

How can you hate someone who gave himself to you totally, heart and soul, body

and mind, and who hasn't done a fucking thing to you to deserve ANY hate at

all, ANY ill will of ANY kind?

Sent on: 10:24 pm

Email/Skype of 7/14/2018, highlighting impoortant aspects of how seriously Ryan was

hurting me while forcing himself to believe NOTHING he did would cause me any pain at all

Below I have copied a Skype PM from yesterday. It's another compelling

arguement. Try to refute any of it. What would you think any objective person

would think if they read all of the quotes of you telling me how you felt about

me, especially about how I persisted in trying to get you to talk to me, and of

us becoming friends, and then read your assertions about our friendship being a

sham, and also your behaviour for the last 8 years? I'd love to do this test.

Can you say the same? I'm completely open to having this done, in fact, I'm

asking you to do this. How do you think this would pan out? What do you think

ANY objective third party would think of you ignoring me the way you have since

March of last year?

I highly doubt you would let this happen, obviously, if you're too terrified to

talk to me, you're not going to talk to me about setting it up. Your cowardice

seems to rule you totally. I'm really disgusted by now how you let this go on,

that you choose to hide, hide by ignoring or blocking any communication from

me, or hide behind mummy, or the police, all the while knowing how much you are

hurting me. It's getting harder and harder not to say you are indeed a

sadistic monster. If you were only hiding like a scared child, that would be

one thing, but taking positive actions that you know are going to make my life

much much harder to cope with and we're in a whole 'nuther regime of

fuckedupness. And, of course, not wanting to do this just about proves I'm

right about pretty much all of this, but your terror of talking to me already

does that, doesn't it?

[I admit I went out on a limb saying you know, deep down somewhere, that

destroying our friendship was a horrible mistake, that could be wishful

thinking on my part. HOWEVER, there's no doubt in my mind that faulty thinking

is behind your decision to destroy it, trying to believe it was never real.

AND, that treating me with such hate and contempt was beyond the pale

deplorable, no matter why you decided to destroy what to me [and you at the

time] was a profoundly beautiful and wonderful friendship.]

<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>

Skype IMs from yesterday/today:

Trump came to town, how was it? There are so many many things I have longed to

talk to you about, but you made that impossible. With no justification, no

rational reasons, you just decided you had to hate me, to try to erase

everything that went on between us, and you didn't give a damn what that would

do to me. I have no idea what your thinking was, how much lies, how much

denial and delusion. Somehow, you managed to go so far as to tell me to fuck

off, as if I was some asshole who had done you some serious wrong. But it was

you who was treating me with callous hateful cruelty, for no reason

whatsoever. You just decided we somehow never had a relationship, that the

friendship was a sham, and inexplicably, didn't think that would cause me the

least bit of pain. You were erasing many of the happiest moments of my life,

turning them into painful nightmares, you ripped out big chunk of who I had

become, I gave myself to you and you took all of it and threw it in the dirt

and ground it into the ground with your shoe, and I wasn't going to hurt from

that? You were the center of my world, and then you ablated my soul, searing

it with your hate and contempt until there was hardly enough left to hold me

together, and you did it with cold hate and casual contempt. And it took you

almost a year to realize you had caused me pain. You won't let me talk to you

so you can keep telling yourself you're well aware of how much pain you caused

me. That statement and the thoughts behind it were massively arrogant, selfish,

and self-serving. And profoundly dishonest.

Have you managed to be deaf enough to have not learned of any of this yet?

You're really a gifted boy, astoundingly adept at running away from facts that

contradict what you want to tell yourself is true. Does that sound pretty

accurate? You threw me away, scraped me out of your life like a used condom,

and with less compassion. And you did this, why? What possessed you to want

to rid yourself of me like that? You can object all you want, you can spew

more of your delusional BS, but we were friends, close friends, I was someone

you were more open with than any of your oldest school buddies. A really good,

close friend is a blessing for anyone, but that's greatly magnified for those

of us with SAD, they are a a precious presence, so hard to find, and you

destroyed ours for nothing. Did you enjoy doing that? You were clearly in a

delusional state, it's obvious, you weren't thinking properly. In all

likelihood, you made a lot of mistakes, and you have only admitted to

disappearing being a fucked up thing to do. I bet you realized deep down that

destroying our friendship was a monumental error, but denial and stubbornness

and arrogance and selfishness lead you to push that all aside. Doing that

resulted in seriously fucking up my life, and that too is something you

apparently refuse to acknowledge to yourself. As near as I can tell, you have

convinced yourself that I'm the bad guy here somehow.

And you're still doing it. You're still damaging me significantly and telling

yourself I've done something to you. You're warped and twisted, and your

arrogance and stubbornness keep you living in denial. In other words, you're a sadistic

monster, or at least, you're letting yourself act like one

because to help me, to face the reality of what you did to me, is too painful,

too much of a burden. So you let me suffer far more than you would by talking

to me. Orders of magnitude more suffering. Years of a diminished life because

you want to avoid the pain of embarrassment. Is there any other interpretation

that could account for all of this craziness? I bet you really really hope you

can avoid ever talking to me again, that I would go away and leave you alone

for the rest of my life, and you don't care what that would mean. It's

incredibly obvious but have you let yourself even once contemplate it? How

hard is it to keep yourself from perceiving glaringly obvious shit that's right

in front of you screaming in your face? You do it with ease as far as I can


These PMs today are quite important. Sure, there's a lot of repeat stuff, but

I've crystalized a lot of the more important aspects, the ones that highlight

what a monumental dick you are, what a despicable human being you've been about

anything to do with me. Remember, you are torturing a very lonely old man and

have been for 8 years now, a lonely old man who did nothing but love you

profoundly and you're doing this for petty, selfish reasons. Quite a piece of

work you insufferable creep.

The above and most of the recent PMs and emails and letters will be on your web

site. Like todays, the ones over the last week or two have really portrayed

the reality of what's been going and done it compellingly. So my advice to you

is don't read any of them as they should be as toxic to you as you are to me.

Ryan's behaviour is so inexplicable it's impossible to understand what the fuck

he's thinking. My best guess is he's simply not allowing reality to invade his

mental space. He's already demonstrated this with his first explanation for

disappearing, and then with the claims about believing when he realized his

feelings were artificial [also likely delusional to some extent], that meant

mine were too. But more harmful is his basic attitude toward me, this

antipathy and contempt. There's simply no justification for this, we were real

friends, I did nothing to harm him, never showed him the slightest ill will of

any kind whatsofuckingever. So where did it come from? He sure as fuck hasn't

said a word about this, and believe me, I've asked over and over again. I

tried to get an explanation that day, but he got hostile that I asked for more

information than he had given me. Yet, a year later, he tells me I deserve an

explanation????? It's delusional to tell me that without SOME kind of

acknowldgement of how he had gotten so angry before when I asked for one. v In

fact, that hostility was displayed as he was accusing me of similar behaviour

of asking for more of an explanation for something he had done earlier, when he

had given just as bogus an explanation as he had this time. If he

acknowledged the hostility of Aug 4 2010 in the 'apology' of Aug 11, 2011, he

would have had to admit how misguided if not dishonest the earlier behaviour

had also been. Is he lying? Who to? He always seems quite adamant and

sincere, so I'm pretty sure he's lying to himself. In fact, I think he's more

facile at that than your typical creationist.

7/10/2018 2102

So Ryan filed a CRIMINAL complaint against me for harassment. Really. Didn't

once say a word to me, I have no idea if he's seen a single message, a state of

uncertainty that Ryan engineered, and he has the gall, the moronic

obnoxiousness to say I'm harassing him when I'm only trying to get him to help

me, and also to help him accomplish what he claimed to be trying to do with the

lame 'apology'. PLUS, he gets his asshole parents to both do the same thing,

as if i had harassed them. It's bloody no way harassment, see elsewhere for my


To understand the enormity of the dickishness behind this move, you should

realize it's because it's become too much of a burden for Ryan to simply ignore

me as he's done for 8 years. No, he needs to go to the police, a really

difficult thing to do for someone with social anxiety disorder, and get THEM to

stop me from trying to beg him for help. And, he didn't even have the

integrity, character, or human decency to tell me he was going to do that if I

didn't stop. Of course, he is too terrified of hearing a word from me, but why

didn't he just send a message and never bother to see if I replied, like the

'apology' where my reply still sits in my outbox 7 years now?

Remember, we were extremely close friends, he was closer to me than to any of

his long-time school buddies, I have continually expressed concern for him,

told him I still cared about him and wanted to help him because I was still

thinking this was all a product of his SAD and his mixed up thinking back 8

years ago. What the fuck is he so terrified of? The only thing that makes

sense to me is it's the truth, he doesn't want to have to confront the reality

of what he did to me and he knows I am going to want to talk about all of it.

I don't give a fuck if it's painful for him t o do this, I've fucking been in

pain for 8 years, he needs to suck it up and do the right thing and help me.

It has got to be helping him also, he's been living in some kind of

fuax-reality bubble all this time, running away from his own past, and that is

not good for his mental health.

Or this is all my naivetÚ and I've been trying to deal with a truly twisted,

sadistic monster.

I'm an alcoholic, haven't had a drink in years, but I still have an extensive

record of minor offenses of the kind alcoholics get, so risking getting me tied

up in the legal system poses a real risk of getting me jail time. I told him

this, with the usual caveat that what he's seen of my messages is utterly

unknown, but that's no excuse. Willful ignorance should never be an excuse,

especially not when he's had to put so much effort into that willfulness.

To sum up, for no reason whatsofuckingever, Ryan

teated me with terrible callous cruelty, with hateful contempt, inimical

contempt, and because of my profound love for him, I've been psychologically

damaged ever since, mainly due to having no clue why he decided to hate me

shortly after insisting how much he truly loved me. He's demonstrated a

shitload of denial and other delusional thinking, I've explained all of this to

him, I've begged him to help me get over what he did to me by simply talking to

me and helping me understand WHY he acted that way. He admitted to hurting me,

to treating me shittily, and that I deserved an explanation, but he hasn't come

close to giving me one. And after 7 years, when I reached out to him to beg

him to help me, all he will do is ignore me, the only effort he's made since

March of last year, 2017, is to slam doors in my face, cutting off any avenue

of communication I can find to try to get through to him. And then, he went to

the police, filing a CRIMINAL complaint against me, putting me at real risk of

getting jail time, because simply ignoring me was too much bother. I've

explained how I'm having serious difficulties coping with my life, and he

refuses to make the slightest effort to help me, but will go to considerable

efforts to make my life worse, to make it harder for me to cope with.

Now, this is a new thing that just occurred to me. I've been sending him a lot

of messages, hoping at least a few words here and there might get through to

him and make him realize what a deplorable dick, an awful excuse for a human

being he's been and is being. Some of them are quite long. Writing them has

often been therapeutic for me, giving me some temporary relief. And they've

also helped me really think about a lot of things that hadn't occurred to me

before. Turns out, almost all of them are ways that I see how Ryan's behaviour

was even worse than I had realized. This paragraph is an example of that,

because, one way to look at Ryan going to the police is to shut down the one

thing that has actually helped me with my problems coping with my life. And

he wants to take that away. Another way he keeps trying to cause me even more

trauma to add to the massive burden I already carry.

So I ask again, what kind of person could be so awful? Who goes around

treating people they once loved like this? For no reason wahtsofuckingever?

You'd pretty much have to be a sadistic monster to treat another human being

with such callous cruelty.

Below are some recent Skypes, nothing really knew, but exploring

recurringthemes I keep bringing up. I'm not really beinging too repetitive,

it's always said a little differently, different emphasis, different wording,

always trying to possibly find some way to break through his shields. And, as

one of these says, he's likely not reading them, but that's irrelevant, he

SHOULD be, that he's not is only more proof of everything I'm trying to say.


Why can't you admit your behaviour makes absolutely NO SENSE? Is it any wonder

I still have no clue what you were thinking, what lead you to destroy our

friendship, what could possibly have turned you into a sadistic monster? Is it

the same thing STILL that is causing you to keep acting like a sadistic

monster? There's no question you are being a sadistic monster, that simply

isn't open to question, it's a fact and if you don't agree, that could only be

because you are clearly delusional, AGAIN.

How can you want to keep living a lie? How can you want to wall yourself off

from reality? \

rob s shared a photo

Sent on: 6/27


A one man human centipede. A bit like you, nothing comes out of your mouth but

shit because everything that goes in is shit, because you only hear what you want

to hear. And most of that is clearly BS.

Sent on: 6/27

REMEMBER: THIS IS ALL ON YOU! Because you are too much of a coward and weasel

to simply talk to me, for over 8 years now. You're terrified of hearing a word

from me. You are, in fact, terrified of the truth. I think you actually wish

I didn't exist, at least I'd just about bet my life that you've tried as hard

as possible to forget all about me, haven't you? And you can't, though,

right? Why is that? It isn't because of me, I didn't make ANY attempt to

contact you for 4 or 5 years, none that were serious until March of last year,

2017. Guilt drove you to TRY to apologize a year later, but you [THINK] you

managed to rid yourself of the last of it with that feigned apology. No

matter, you're still feeling the guilt or you wouldn't be so terrified of

hearing a word from me.

Does that sound pretty accurate?

It doesn't matter that you ignore these, it doesn't matter what you tell

yourself, only the truth matters, and that's what and why you're so terrified.

What you did to me and what you are doing to me is wrong, really wrong, it's

ugly. You seem to think you can simply tell yourself otherwise and that makes

it so. It doesn't, it only makes you even more of a dick!

Sent on: 7/6

And I'm pretty sure you're doing what I predicted you would do. You've got so

much invested in this totally unjustified hatred of me that you're going to

keep coming up with rationales for keeping it going no matter how many of them

I shoot down as bogus. Does that sound pretty accurate? How else can you keep

up such an absurd attitude for so long? We know you're incredibly gifted at

spinning realities that fit your needs more than they fit the truth. And once

again, I'm having to pay a terrible price for this stubborn, moronic arrogance

and selfishness.

I'm really so fucking sick of all of this. This little coward and weasel hides behind his

mummy's skirt, hides by refusing to acknowledge he's received a single message I've

sent, even tries to hide by going to the fucking police FFS to get them to stop me from

begging him to help me get over the brutal callous cruelty he inflicted on me 8 years ago.

He's screwed up my life for years, and when I hit a bad spot, I reached out ot him for help,

asking him to simply talk to me and help me understand what the fuck he was doing back then,

what was he thinking to be so callously cruel, without a shred of remrose or compassion. I

simply wanted him to talk to me and give me an explanation, something he said I deserved to

get. He tried to give me one, a year later in an 'apology' but it was nothing but lies

and self-deceit, it made no sense, and he made sure I couldn't disabuse him of his delusional

thinking by never even checking to see if I replied, that was 7 years ago, and he still hasn't

checked to see if I replied. Like I said, he's a fucking coward and a weasel.

The problem here is how this Marquis de Sade in the making decided to treat me after

he got tired of using me in the relationship we had formed. I did nothing bad to him,

I did nothing but love him, and he simply decided he hated me and treated me with

cold, brutal callous cruelty. It's as simple as that. And he refuses to explain why,

he refuses to even hear a word from me. Because of my feelings, I can't get over his cruelty

because I can't understand where it came from or how he could possibly want to do that

to me. Below is a recent Skyp about why I'm confused and how it's impossible for me to

make sense of anything because of his delusions and lies and self-deceit

Leading up to Aug 4, 2010, that day and the next 2 or 3 that we exchanged 
posts, you were, without any doubt whatsofuckingever, displaying significant 
mental/thinking problems, from telling me you disappeared for my own good to 
saying you weren't showing me contempt, to getting pissed off that I asked for 
an explanation, plus just the awful overall callous cruelty.  The same with the 
'apology', rife with delusion, denial, self-deceit.  The two biggest howlers 
were the 'explanation' analogy that failed utterly as an analogy because its 
circumstances were orders of magnitude off of the necessary similarity to what 
was being analogized for it to work, and then, your raving about how you 
thought my feelings were artificial because yours were.

 What this is saying is that, from my perspective, 
absolutely EVERYTHING related to you destroying our relationship/friendship was 
done while you were exhibiting delusional thinking, crazy thinking, unsound 
thinking.  So how the fuck am I to make anything out of any of it?  How do I 
make sense of the hate, the cruelty, the lack of remorse and compassion?  How 
am I to know what, if anything, you've said is real?  Why should I not 
still believe the destruction of our friendship was some stupid mistake on your 
part?  Since you're terrified of talking to me, there's clearly something you 
can't talk about from that time.  One thing you got right in the 'apology' was 
saying I deserve an explanation, and I do, any halfway decent human being would 
feel obligated, even compelled, to give one to someone with whom they ad to end a 
relationship because they lost the feelings they once had and not due to some 
horrible actions by their partner.  If you don't understand this, it's either 
because you're without any human feelings, you're delusional, or you're a 
sadistic monster.  The longer you keep up being such a shithead dick, the more 
deplorable your behaviour becomes. 

This is all pretty despicable behaviour. That he went to the police and

filed a CRIMINAL complaint FFS, just to use them to shut me up so he wouldn't

need to expend the effort required to merely ignore me is really beyond the pale.

and if that wasn't dickish enough, he ran to mummy and daddy and got THEM to go

to the police and do the same!!! And they are as disgusting hhuman beings as Ryan is

it seems since they did it! I sent the below Skype just to keep reminding this

sadistic piece of shit what he did and how fucked up he AND his family are to do such a

thing when I was trying to beg for help

I despise those who would defend the British Empire, saying BS like India 
should be thankful and utter delusional crap like that.  Never thought I'd 
sorta be a victim myself, and with even far more delusion behind a lot of it.  
Ignoring me doesn't mean you didn't do what you did to me, it just adds to what 
you did and makes you an even more deplorable human being.  You and your 
family, y'all have all chosen to take steps to make my life more difficult at a 
time when I was already in distress and begging you for help.  That's seriously 
fucked up, and anyone who does such shit should be ashamed.  But, shame isn't a 
domain any of you aholes have access to it seems.  This is a stain on all of 
you guys' character if there's any there at all to stain.  Glad to see I could 
help bring the family together after dear old dad dumped your mom before you 
even popped out.

It really irks me no end that his parents could actually aid Ryan in his sadistic

torment of me. After all, it's thems who brung this monster into this world, I'm the

fucking victim here FFS. Ryan hides behind mummy's skirt so she can shield him from the

danger of talking to me and hearing facts, never a good thing in the Fairley residence it seems.

I thought it was time to remind the parents who have now become as thoroughly despicable as

their spawn, so she'll get this postcard. It sure is easy to kick someone when they're already down.


And the back of the card sent to Steven, the dad who bailed on Debs before Ryan was born


The following is a letter/email I sent today, 6/18/2018. It shows some of

problems and issues I suffer these days, due to the cruelties inflicted 8 years

ago as well as the new ones added this last year+ and still ongoing.

One of the great things about having really close friends, or a partner is even 
better, is you have a shoulder to cry on.  You let me be that for you and I 
helped you, though once I was too obsessed with one of my paranoia flare ups 
and didn't perceive the meaning behind what you were telling me.  I mentioned 
this in an earlier message, maybe over a year ago, how I had just discovered 
this while re-reading some od our conversations.  I expressed my profound 
sorrow that I did that to you, that instead of helping you, I likely increased 
your burden, and I still feel the same sorrow, even as you work to increase 

One of the things I've had a tendency to do over the years is find myself 
having conversations with you, wanting to talk about all kinds of things, we 
do, or did, have a lot in common, often posting the same thing in threads at 
the forum, or I would see you had already said something I was going to say, or 
you told me that happened to you, but often, it's more I need a shoulder to cry 
on, and I had been so happy back during our relationship, that I finally had 
that again, something rare in my life overall.  So there I would find myself, 
telling you about some BS that fucked me up or saddened me, or whatever, and it 
would be made sadder by the fact that it could only be a daydream 
conversation.  But, I've always felt, until just recently, that you just had to 
come around at some point, you'd realize how ridiculous it was for you to hate 
me, to treat me like an enemy who had done you some terrible wrong.

That hasn't happened, not even after 448 days of me trying to beg you to rejoin 
reality.  You're too wedded to the lies you live, even though you're destroying 
me to maintain those lies.  You're like some monster sworn to vengeance on me, 
and I have no idea why it has this absurd idea, and it doesn't matter because 
it keeps trying to destroy me.  There's no escape from this thing, it's some 
chthonic, ancient thing driven by ancient mysteries meaningless in todays 
world, with no way to appease the wrath it feels, the reasons for it existing 
only in the beast's mind.

So I have many many fewer of these conversations.  If I find myself starting a 
shoulder-crying episode, I stop, because you no longer appear to me as having a 
sympathetic ear, it's become an inimical ear, listening for any sign of 
weakness you can take and use against me, to hurt me ever more destructively, 
until you succeed, and I am gone. I now see you and I feel dread and fear, not 
the bittersweet wistful regret and longing I've had since this started.

I can't help but find this horrifying, that it's come to this nightmare, this 
ugly situation I never would have dreamed possible.  All the while, you cower 
lest you hear a word from me.  What the fuck are you afraid of?  Are you afraid 
I will find out something about you?  Or are you afraid YOU will find out 
something about you?  And whatever it is, it's worth you behaving in 
unconscionable, deplorable ways towards me, gutting me, shattering me 
emotionally, and refusing to let yourself know how bad you hurt me, slamming 
the door in my face so you won't have to hear, and going so far as to cause me 
far far more damage just to keep from admitting the extent of the damage you 
did 8 years ago.  That's some crazy shit, man.  You got serious issues.  Or 
there's the other possibility, you really are nothing but a sadistic monster 
that's been playing a sick game on me.

I'm afraid about the best-case scenario you could hope for is that you're a 
pathetic coward and weasel.  I tried so hard to figure out a way for you to be 
so much more than that, something like the person I fell in love with.  But you 
have either pretty much killed that person off, or he never really existed.  
After all, the implications of what you've told me are that I can't believe 
anything AT ALL that you said before Aug 4, and I know I can't believe the 
nonsense you said that day and in the 'apology'.  Everyfuckingthing about this 
is your fault, it's due to choices you have made, and it's shit you could have 
fixed at any time by talking to me.  And that is something you simply won't 
do.  You won't even tell me what you're doing now, or why, you won't let me 
know a thing.  And that's another terrible example of you choosing to act in a 
way that is guaranteed to cause me a lot of pain, a lot of damage.  Again, this 
makes me wonder if that's WHY you make these choices, because it sure seems 
like your intent is to destroy me, and has been for 8 years.  

Skypes 6/19/2018. I think i'm going to quote most of the Skypes I send here.

It makes for a good place to point to

For Law Enforcement, here you can find me NOT harassing this sadistic monster

I'm attempting to get Ryan to quit running away, or, if he's not running away, then

clearly he's a sadistic monster and this is defending myself and trying to warn others

of who this piece of shit really is, because he sure can pass as a nice person and

not a cruel, callous, sadistic predator his behaviour implies. My inability to

believe he could actually be this sadistic a monster lead to my life being

significantly diminished for 8 years. This is clearly depraved indifference

considering the serious damage done and the utter lack of any attempt to ameliorate

that damage or to stop inflicting more. Except that doesn't apply to psychological

injuries, does it? IT SHOULD.

How much of  your reality requires justifications derived from the SAD-induced 
denial and other related pathological lying?  How big a part does your 
arrogance play?  How about sheer stubbornness?  You're quite well aware that 
I'm at least as psychologically compromised as you, after all, you used a lot 
of that awareness to focus the hateful, damaging behaviour.  Never hurts to be 
as efficient as possible, well generally, in this case, for me, it's more like 
'always hurts even worse'.  One of thee myriad ways you've been such a horrible 
dick throughout this ordeal. 

Do you really have no one close enough to you to tell you you're 
disconnecting from reality, at least when it comes to what's happened between 
us?  Or to tell you what a dick you're being?  if not, that's something you had 
with me but you threw me away for no reason.  I wouldn't let you get away with 
this shit without giving you a seriously hard time.  That's what real friends 
who love you would do, they wouldn't simply take your word, if they're really 
close friends, they'd know not to

6/19/2018 1832 Skype

[This one kinda sums up my problem. Is he crazy, a monster, a coward, some

combination? And does he realize how fucked up his behaviour is? By any

standard of decency he's being unconscionable and has been for 8 years. What's

really hilarious is he says the rule he lives his life by is "Don't be a dick"!

That alone is evidence of massive delusion, or gross dishonesty, or sociopathy

or . . .? Who the fuck knows, it hurts my brain trying to make since of crazy.]

Another day, another missed opportunity for you to quit running away, to quit 
trying to act like it's my fault, or that somehow I deserve this sadistic 
behaviour from you.  Or is it you're trying to convince yourself I'm not out 
here trying to get you to help me?  Or maybe even that I don't exist?  I have 
no way of knowing because you won't let me know a thing.  And that includes 
whether you have yet to realize more than maybe 1/4 of the trauma you inflicted 
on me 8 years ago.  And you certainly don't think what you're doing now is 
sadistic cruelty as uncalled for, as undeserved, as that back then.  So how 
much is delusion, how much sadism?  How much cowardice and how much insanity?  
How much do YOU understand what you're doing and why?

An email I just sent, 6/19/2018 2030, put here because the pix are very cool

The uncanny aproposness of bits of Westworld.  And further musings about how fucked up your mind must be as posted on Skype and the web site

6/18-19How much of  your reality requires justifications derived from the SAD-induced denial and other related pathological lying?  How big a part does your arrogance play?  How about sheer stubbornness?  You're quite well aware that I'm at least as psychologically compromised as you, after all, you used a lot of that awareness to focus the hateful, damaging behaviour.  Never hurts to be as efficient as possible, well generally, in this case, for me, it's more like 'always hurts even worse'.  One of thee myriad ways you've been such a horrible dick throughout this ordeal.

Do you really have no one close enough to you to tell you you're disconnecting from reality, at least when it comes to what's happened between us?  Or to tell you what a dick you're being?  if not, that's something you had with me but you threw me away for no reason.  I wouldn't let you get away with this shit without giving you a seriously hard time.  That's what real friends who love you would do, they wouldn't simply take your word, if they're really close friends, they'd know not to.








It's amazing how close this shit is, enough that they're perfect as is.  As in the below, when I'd try to explain why it meant so much to me that I get to talk to you every day, why it hurt so much to be ignored as you did that last time, when you kept trying to blame me for my having a paranoid flareup when you caused it deliberately.  That was truly dickish, you were using my sensitivities, my weakness, against me and to hurt me, and this was way back to early May!  This is what lead to you disappearing a couple of times before the final one, so the last and biggest fight we had, the one preceding the end, and likely contributing to it, was all your doing, another delusional take on reality that ended up causing me massive pain, massive trauma, with your denial allowing you to blame the problem on ME.

Do you even realize you did this?  I've mentioned it numerous times, even on Aug 4.  Had you ALREADY started to hate me?  That was BEFORE you insisted you loved me.  I can't understand ANY of your thinking, your motivations, what you THOUGHT you were doing, or  what you were ACTUALLY doing, NOT THE SAME THING.  If we talked, we could get top the bottom of it all, but you're terrified of that.   How warped and twisted were you back then?  If I knew the truth, would I think even LESS of you than I do now?
6/19/2018 Today,
Yeah, I'm not doing so well.  What the fuck do you think makes you so special that you can ignore me begging for help when you're the cause of so much of my current difficulties?  I didn't deserve the treatment I got 8 years ago, and what's going on now is too fucked up to believe.  Yet, you seem perfectly happy to keep on the path you set off on 8 years ago, with my destruction at the end of it.  The 'apology' was some kind of mistaken detour I guess, but you quickly found your way back to the path.

I wish I understood better what the denial you're in looks like.  Is it more because you tell yourself you've already apologized and explained and rid yourself of the remaining guilt , so no problem for you, you've done what you could.  Yeah, like you gave me all the explanation there was to be had back on Aug 4, got mad, even hostile, at me for asking for more, and failed to mention that when you gave the next fictional account of an explanation.

Or is it mostly that you tell yourself I did something to you so it's OK to behave as you have?  Or maybe it's all denial, you simply don't let yourself perceive any of the consequences of your actions, just asserting to yourself that you're not damaging me, and didn't way back then?

Or maybe there's some other excuse that justifies your actions?  If that's the case, you really ought to let me know because I sure ain't gotta clue.  I'd REALLY like to know what could justify fucking my life up to such an awful extent just so you can refuse to talk to me.  My best guess is it's a combination of extreme arrogance and stubbornness with denial to place it in the proper context, where here, context means within the framework of your alternate reality.

Another day, another missed opportunity for you to quit running away, to quit trying to act like it's my fault, or that somehow I deserve this sadistic behaviour from you.  Or is it you're trying to convince yourself I'm not out here trying to get you to help me?  Or maybe even that I don't exist?  I have no way of knowing because you won't let me know a thing.  nd that includes whether you have yet to realize more than maybe 1/4 of the trauma you inflicted on me 8 years ago.  And you certainly don't think what you're doing now is sadistic cruelty as uncalled for, as undeserved, as that back then.  So how much is delusion, how much sadism?  How much cowardice and how much insanity?  How much do YOU understand what you're doing and why?

Yep, another day, another step up in how much of a deplorable dick you are, what a deplorable human being you are.  How you can possibly be so oblivious, so deaf and blind to reality is astounding.

The following is a Skype from today, 6/11/2018 1759, as I write this. Fairley has seriously
dimished my life and seems to give not a shit, not an iota of one. I've begged him for help
and the only effort he will make is to shut down any avenue of communication I can find to
reach him. All I've ever asked of him is to talk to me so I can try to understand what
happened, why he decided to behave the way he did, why he felt the need to destroy our
friendship, and he has, for 8 years, refused to even hear me say a word.

Think about the levels of denial required to force an ignorance as oblivious as this:

At this point in time, I thought we were still in a relationship.  My love for 
this weasel was profound, more than anyone before, he was the center of my world, 
and he insisted he loved me, though not to the levels I loved him, but still 
strong feelings.  And then he just disappeared, and after I managed to maneuver 
him into talking to me, the following is out of the first posts, he posted, 
then I answered and then his followup.  There is a massive contempt exposed in 
his obnoxiously glib words that were going to obviously be a soul-shattering 
blow to me. He later admitted that he thought he was doing nothing that would 
cause me pain.  Think about the denial required to make yourself believe 
something that is so obviously absurd. Glaringly obvious to anyone 
familiar with my feelings and had a functioning brain. 

One thing it would be hard to deny is what a craven weasel he is


A few questions I put up on Skype. It should be made clear, I sent huindreds of messages of various kinds, email, snail mail, PMs and IMs of various kinds. He has not only never replied to a single one, he's made sure that I can't know if he's even received a siongle one of them. I did get an indication that he was getting the messages because, without once saying a fucking word to me, he went to the police and filed a CRIMINAL: complaint against me for harassing him. And, FFS, if that wasn't enough, he got his parents to both file one also.

What's it like, to be filled with such hate for someone for so long and who's 
done nothing to you?

What's it like to do so much damage to someone who loved you as I did?

What's it feel like destroying someone for no reason except that you're a 

What's it like day in and  day out that you MUST keep lying to yourself in 
order to make it through the day?

What's it like that the only way that you can tell yourself you're not a 
monster is to lie?

Some recent attempts at communication







3_9_2018-HM-card-arrive6 The below is a message I felt the need to be sent to Fairley for any additinal law enforcement he might try to call in to block me from trying to beg him for help since it's getting to be such a bother for him to ignore me.


A message for any law enforcement you may have tried to call beyond the South Yorkshire police

Have you?  I can't put anything past you now, no move too dickish for you, eh?  If the access to my web site files was due to you going to some other law enforcement and claiming something like revenge porn, you must have failed miserably.  In fact, there was nothing on the site, only stuff on private pages only you should have had access to.  You've never visited the site, near as I can tell.

Anyways, the below is for any law enforcement you might still try to call.  You really should be calling the mental health clinics and get some help.


This is a message for any law enforcement that may have gotten called in by Ryan Fairley to report me for some infraction like harassment, which he has already done to the South Yorkshire police.  He's also had his mummy and daddy do the same in Gloucester even though it had been months since I last tried to speak to them had only tried a few times.  Due to some very strange entries on my web server's access log, I think he may also have reported me for something like revenge porn.  There is nothing to these allegations.  Clearly, nothing on the website is revenge porn, in fact, there was nothing on the web site, the pages that were recently accessed were PRIVATE, no one but Fairley had the links, and even he didn't have the index.html.break link.  Someone, through godaddy, the internet hosting company hosting the site, gained access to my files there, something that should not happen without a serious security breech.

Fairley is a badly misguided young man.  I don't know what he has said to any law enforcement, not even the Yorkshire police, other than claiming I am harassing him and he wants no further contact.  I am NOT harassing him, I am trying to help him.  I explained the whole thing in a long document I sent to the Yorkshire police, specifically to Graham McShane.  We've had multiple conversations, even on the phone once.

The document I sent to McShane goes into great detail, you can find it here:

Fairley has admitted to treating me in a shitty manner and hurting me significantly, though it's clear he has no idea how badly he hurt me.  This is the issue, he's in denial of what he has done and knows he can't speak to me without his self-deceit getting exposed.  If that sounds a little crazy, well, Fairley is indeed a little crazy, he suffers from severe Social Anxiety Disorder.  It has been serious enough to keep him out of school too many days and force him to repeat a year, and I expect it's why he only lasted 2 months in his 4-year program for a physics PhD at RHUL.

You'll find in the Wikipedia entry for SAD, which Ryan himself says is a good treatment of the issuer, is this:

"Major avoidance behaviors could include an almost pathological/compulsive lying behavior in order to preserve self-image and avoid judgement in front of others." - B.F. Skinner no less

Pathological lying to preserve self-image-- a good description of denial.

These Skype IMs between Ryan and me, as well as 100's of emails and PMs and IMs and etc, give copious examples of how virtually everything Fairley has deigned to say to me from Aug 4, 2010 to a year later in his attempt at an apology, has been full of BS, denial, delusion, and self-deceit.  All I've ever asked for since that August day 8 years ago is an explanation for why and how he could possibly have turned his love for me, something that, when he disappeared, he had only recently INSISTED he had for me, into this extreme animosity, antipathy, this inimical contempt that has been his sole attitude since.

Yes, I sent him 100's of messages, I fully admit to doing so, and plan on sending many many more.  I'll keep them up until he does what he said he should do and tried to do.  He has not so much as acknowledged receiving a single one, much less replied, I have no way of knowing if he has read a single one.  He refuses to hear me.  He did not even tell me to fuck off or he would go to the police, he just went.  Doing that should be quite difficult for anyone with SAD, but he chose to do that rather than simply talk to me.

I never did anything to him, never wronged him, nothing to set off his extreme negative emotions towards me.  I keep insisting he's in denial or he's a sadistic monster.  This should be clear from all of my messages.  I am trying to beg him to help me AND to let me help him.  The 2 are really the same thing.  I need to understand why he decided to hate me, and I think that that is what he is in most denial about.

The denial is a form of what he calls 'running away', the most serious of his SAD behaviours, and one he has done lots of therapy for.  He doesn't want to keep running away.  The test [in the UK] for whether something is harassment is that it has to be unwanted.  Now, yes, Fairley doesn't want me talking to him, but he has far more desire to stop running away, which is what I am trying to get him to do.  Which 'want' should control, the one driven by his disorder, or the one from his desire to be mentally sound?

The state law hear in Texas is that a reasonable person would consider the behaviour harassment.  Well, how to apply a reasonable person test to someone who is delusional?  No reasonable person would ever get to this position.  No reasonable person would try to act like I didn't exist, ignoring me asking for help to do what he tried to do earlier but failed, provide and explanation.  No reasonable person would ignore this pleading for a year and then go to the police rather than just say something to the other person.  And no reasonable person would destroy a relationship like Fairley did when there was absolutely no reason to act with such callous cruelty while asserting absurdities and delusional statements.

And if the facts are that Fairley is a sadistic monster, then he's certainly not a reasonable person.  Don't let him use the law as a means to further victimize me.  I'm not harassing him, I'm trying to protect myself and expose the monster.  No reasonable person would think trying to talk to a sadistic monster to get him to stop inflicting pain on them is harassment no matter how insistently the monster claims it is.

Recent posts to Skype with a few sent in the post.


The other side:

You've been lying to yourself 8 years, telling yourself and family at the least that I did you wrong.

You KNOW that's a lie, you dealt me a soul-shattering blow without remorse, without compunction, managing to delude yourself at the time that you'd done nothing wrong, had caused me no pain.  Somehow, I deserve to be hated, somehow it's OK for you to keep hurting me, damaging me, while you cowardly hide behind mummy and now the police, because you're too much of a weasel to face me.  You can't face the truth, you run away at the first sign it you might hear it.



The other side:

Contradictions, self-deceit, delusions, denial ..,

You keep choosing to hurt me when I've proven you can't justify this dickishness.

I'm a lonely old man you chose to shatter emotionally 8 years ago.  And now as I struggle to cope with my life, you choose to do nothing to help despite me abjectly begging you to do exactly what you already tried to do but failed.  No, you choose to cause me more trauma, more pain, you choose to make my life much much harder to cope with.  You even tried to get the police to help shield you from my words, which risks the destruction of my life.

Yup, inimical toxic blight